This has been a long time coming. I finally decided it was time to tell my story. I have changed all names to protect those involved. I wouldn’t call most of them innocent. You can meet them on the “characters” page.
I have been writing consistently since my freshman year of college, some of that may show up here. I change my mind a lot, so who knows what this space will hold. I’m not making a huge effort to be anonymous here, but I don’t want to piss anyone off either. I just need to say a lot of things to a lot of people.
One of my favorite pastimes is writing letters to people and then not sending them. I either post them in my private journal or I just delete them. The thing is, I don’t write for anyone. I write because it is a compulsion. It helps me think clearer, organize my thoughts and say the things I long to say in real life. That being said, I am sort of sensitive. I write for me, my benefit. Not you. If you disagree with something I’ve said, please have an adult conversation with me about it. I’m too old to fight about the mundane, I got all that out years ago. I’m not sure what I expect to get out of this. If people read it and like it, great. If someone reads this and thinks, “Oh. My. God. I know exactly what she means!” I will be thrilled. If people hate it, eh. Fuck ‘em.
So, this is probably a really shitty introduction to a blog. Do you need an introduction or do you just start writing? It’s my blog. I will do whatever I want with it. So this is it. I’ll give you a quick intro to me I guess.
Currently I am ashamed of myself for sitting and watching almost all of Uptown Girls today. (I missed the beginning.) Why did a girl who publicly loathes chick flicks watch this? Because I recognized the guy and it was bugging me that I couldn’t place him. It took 45 minutes to realize it was Chase from House. By then I was sucked in. Also, why are “rock stars” in movies like that always so effing lame? That song was painful. Speaking of…
I will force my musical preferences on you. I don’t actually expect you to like any of it, but I will tell you this. I have the best taste in music of anyone I know. There are a few people that I share most of my tastes with, The BNB and I are nearly IDENTICAL. But there’s no need to go there just yet. Music is the way to this girl’s heart. Today I have been listening to Neko Case – Middle Cyclone on repeat. I have loved Neko Case for years. South Tacoma Way is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. When I listened to the title track to Middle Cyclone today I had one of my narcissistic music moments.
I am convinced, somehow, that these musicians I love write songs about/for me. The first time I listened to Lucero – Tennessee I was convinced Ben Nichols wrote that album about my heartbreak. No one else could possibly have felt that way before I had, so he must have been privy to my soul. See? I am an asshole. I connect to music better than I do most people. I’m sort of awkward. My brain works at about half the speed of my mouth. This does not work out in my favor most times. Oh well, you’ll have that.
I plan on spending the rest of my Saturday evening going through my life and boxing things up. I’m in purge mode. I need to start over. Hobnobs is supposed to be the change I need. I’m still nervous as hell. I can’t decide if I’m in love with Banky or not and there are still cracks in my foundation from Douche McGee. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time. I do love an adventure.
I am commenting like a silly person. For what it’s worth, it’s a great introduction to you. Nice to meet you. Again. For the first time. Not in person. Stranger.
Love your introduction. So! I have so many responses. Also, you must know, I’m in a very weird mood bc I did not sleep. I’m thinking that your Douche McGee may be spiritually related to my Brute Ninny (http://sweetestsurprise.blogspot.com/2008/04/world-of-acting.html) That is a long segment … so, if you’re interested in seeing one itsy bitsy piece of what BN is about … skip to paragraph that’s next to the picture of me in my hat that says “Love Kills.”
Let’s see…after reading your blog, I realize that I should have stuck with what I’d done for months and months (along with writing about 6 different blogs and abandoning them due to self criticism) which is not tell a single sole.
Recently, the idiot in me decided to tell everyone on Facebook, friends, family, I started the FB networking thing. And, it’s lots of fun when barely anyone responds or follows. I know, I know…I might not either. I’m terrible at responding.
I hope you don’t mind my long response. So…anyway, you are smart. I love your way of doing this stuff. I should have kept my little mouth shut and made a character list bc that is simply brilliant. I’m so glad I found you. I hope hope hope you like something that I write. Perhaps when I’m in one of my negative moods, I’ll think of you and let it be (I’ve been trying to move towards the positive, thus tears have been streaming down my face daily).
I know we are opposite in a lot of stuff. I have no idea who your music people are (so far), and my favorite song in this world is basically Gimme More by Britney Spears. But, I hope you’ll give me a chance anyway!
I wanted to read all your stuff and catch up, but I realize that all of the material in the 6 blogs that are out in computer -lala-land is basically the amount that you have on here. So, I’ll work on reading all your stuff … because I want to! Yay. That’s cool, huh? Yep!