This weekend hasn’t been a total wash, Saturday I spent the majority of my afternoon in the pool and then took my mother to see Up. Then there was the time I told everyone Wifey had leg herpes because she told the internet I was a bad Catholic. How?
Fridayt night Wifey and I decided to have a bonfire. It got chilly so it seemed like a good idea. We were both craving pizza so went to this little hole in the wall in town. That alone was an experience. As we’re talking, the subject of children comes up. I’ve told her for awhile she should name her child Samuel Adam. Guess what she drinks a lot.
Well, right now she is exploring the idea of a relationship with a nice Jewish boy. So she tells me she was curious if that was a Jewish enough name. We were both raised Catholic…well, she was. I wouldn’t use the term Catholic to describe anything about me besides a few tokens in my car and that one tattoo…
Anyway…
I look at her, dead serious, and ask…”Is there an Adam in the Bible?” She gets that look on her face, incredulity mixed with amusement. I almost follow it up with “what, was he one of the apostles?” Before the giant DUH goes off in my brain.
Needless to say, I will never hear the end of this. She and her family are known for being…special. Just today her mother thought there were 100 minutes in an hour and that please was a five letter word. I love these people. Truly. But there is no room to make fun of a slight religious mistake when her mother once told her her boobs were so big they should be in the book of Genesis. Then, Wifey didn’t even know there was a book of Deuteronomy!
Ok, I’m grasping because seriously…I’ve even been to the Creation Museum. It’s terrifying. They make everything Adam’s fault though, so it was sort of fun to blame everything on man. Even the first one couldn’t get it right. I kid, sort of. I’m just sort of, you know…blonde.
I have a theory. After one of those epic benders I like to go on I wake up the next morning and my brain will say to itself, “Okay, you can only remember one of these things after the shit you pulled last night. Which would you prefer to keep, the lyrics to 99 Red Balloons or the name of the first man? 99 Red Balloons it is! Good choice.”
So in other words, I should probably start going to mass.
Today I have been lazily lounging with the basement cat and my puppy. Both were in my lap. Happy! I encourage you to go see Up because, OMG. Doug is my dog. SQUIRREL! I loved it. Now I have to get up and go run some errands. Before I do that, I really want you all to head over to Samurai Strong and read my comments on her picks for names. We laughed until we cried. What can I say? When you ask me to make fun of something, as your friend, I will give it 100%.
