Don’t look at me with those mitten filled eyes!

30 07 2009

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, we tried to shave the cat and hung out with MFEO.

The rest of the week was really low key. Monday we sort of ended up hanging out with the BNB all day by accident. I went to see him at work and get my present. He forgot it at home, so we went over there and played with the puppy. I also managed to steal a book and season one of Full Metal Alchemist. When we walked out of the shop, Poprocks looks at me and makes some comment about he could see why we were friends or compatible or something. After a whole 10 minutes. I’m glad every one else can see it. Whatever. If it was meant to be, it would have been.

Tuesday we didn’t do much, Banky came over and hung out and smoked some hookah and drank some beer. I got a text from facebook telling me Toast dumped me again. Via facebook message. Yep. I’m not even sad or angry this time. Just annoyed. So over it. When Banky left, Poprocks’ comment was “I can see why that went where it did”. I didn’t ask for elaboration. We spent the rest of the evening playing Mario Party on Gamecube and cracking up. We used to stay up until dawn playing that shit with Douche McGee and we’d all fall asleep in the same bed, like a bunch of puppies. I miss those days.

Wednesday we ran errands and were lazy. We decided to graduate to Mario Party for Wii. I kicked his ass in everything except boxing. We both almost had massive coronaries from boxing. He beat me and I cracked up because in the course of our 10+ year relationship I have given him at least three bloody noses. Irony. We has it.

I gifted Poprocks back to his family today. Then I left town to go see mine. I drove what felt like days, and I finally hit the border. I stopped in to see my sister at work and get a bite to eat. Everyone decided to bail on us, so we’re laying in bed reading/writing and smoking cotton candy flavored hookah. This was after and epic adventure at the grocery store. We shop for food like pregnant stoners. We got everything from english muffins to pizza and chips and salsa. It still doesn’t beat the night we bought a pie and stuff to make guacamole.

We are not going to Warped Tour as previously planned, Totoro couldn’t get off work and Dinga has to save her money for senior pictures. So Totoro and I may go shopping tomorrow for a dress for me for the wedding. It’s in September. The same day as the Lucero show. It’s in the city that Douche lives in though, so I think that’s just me being looked out for.

I am going to start reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy this weekend. I am excited and scared. I know it’s going to be really bloody, but I am excited to put it to the soundtrack Ben Nichols put together for me, in my head. In fact, I’m going to go listen to it now and perhaps start my book. Or go to bed. I am so old and tired.





Killing me softly

27 07 2009

I can’t sleep. Probably because my sleep pattern is all fucked up now, and maybe because there’s a lot on my mind.

First of all, I can’t even put into words how awesome it’s been having Poprocks here. Even just sitting on the couch all day watching SVU together was awesome. I can just look over my shoulder and he’s there. It’s blissful. We have laughed so hard over so many silly things.

Friday night we went to the fair with Savannah. It was an experience. I outlined all the highlights. I got my picture taken with a tiger cub. It was the best thing ever. I ate a corn dog and heard Free Bird  and saw lots of farm animals. We invented a new word. Nurpa. It’s a fopa on your neck. We got hysterical over the definition of fopa on Urban Dictionary. I had to call MFEO and leave her a voicemail. I cried the whole way through it. I could not stop laughing. I think it was the combination of hookah, cider and massive amounts of sugar. Fantastic.

Saturday we hung out with MFEO. We ran around town amusing ourselves and then went to dinner. Savannah joined us and again, we all laughed until we cried over stupid shit. I love my friends. After dinner, we went back to MFEO’s where her husband and I attempted to shave her cat. That’s not a euphemism. We really shaved her cat. Or tried to. We failed. Hard. Enre

Mr. MFEO and I were crying by the end of it. MFEO was not happy, but she should have been since Mr. MFEO and I bonded.

Today we laid around and watched SVU all day and I completely forgot about Clark’s wedding shower because I am a crappy friend. I feel like shit. I keep apologizing. My brain just got all caught up in Poprocks being here. I forgot. I fail. Space Cowboy called tonight and we talked it over. I will figure out a way to make it up to him. Read the rest of this entry »





The Fair – The list

25 07 2009

I will elaborate later, but this is a quick rundown of the AWESOME that was the fair -

  • Corn dog
  • Lemon shake-up
  • Little girls with mullets
  • The breathalyzer shack
  • Camouflage window things on the truck we parked next to
  • I GOT MY PICTURE WITH A BABY TIGER
  • I ruined said picture with my ass
  • Heard Free Bird
  • Saw KKK sheep and a sheep wearing a scarf. Oh, and the gay sheep.
  • Saw my old boss lady
  • Nubian sheep
  • A goat named after Banky (his real name, duh)
  • NURPA! (It’s a neck fopa…aka a gunt)
  • Deep fried Oreos
  • Urban Dictionary’s defintion of fopa (look it up. NOW).

Yeah, and there has been lots of hookah smoking. Life is good. Poprocks is HERE IN MAH HOWSE! Right now. He’s looking at this. I am dying. Of awesome.





Nothing new under the sun

24 07 2009

So my beloved Poprocks is in the state, but not in my possession yet. It’s ok. I was done working at 10:24am and I’ve been participating in a water gun fight ever since. Somedays I do love my job.

Things have been quiet, which usually means good. Things seem to be settling in with Toast. We watched Coraline last night and I LOVED it! Martha, let me borrow the book, please?

The weather has been perfection, my music selections have been choice…there are so many wonderful things happening right now. Mostly the fact that, POPROCKS IS HOME!

As soon as he arrives we are going straight to the tobacco store to pick up hookah accessories. Then we’re gathering a motley crew (including the lovely Savannah and Wifey) and heading to the county fair. I will have wonderful stories tomorrow, I am so sure. Wifey and I decided we need to get drunk this weekend and “make memories”. If it’s successful, they will be other people’s memories…not ours.

Saturday, Poprocks and I will be spending some time with MFEO. They have not met. I expect worlds to collide. I’m sad she’s pregnant, we could have drank Russia dry of it’s vodka between the three of us. Oh man, I am on booze lust. I can’t help it, my friends lead me to drinking. Hehe.

The BNB got awful chatty with me today. He reminded me that he got me a present and he wants me to come get it. Chasing Amy. If this was a few months ago, I’d be falling all over myself to get there. Now…well, I hope I talked him into finishing my sleeve pro bono. I love him, but he can choke on it if he thinks I’m still playing this game.

Banky asked me to come over and drink Tuesday night. “Just to drink?” “Yeah, sorry.” Sorry? Seriously? What a twat. He is another one who is delusional if he thinks we are ever going to go back to that bullshit. We share a very strong bond because of how we met, but it will never go back to that cat and mouse bullshit.

Anyway, that’s what’s up with me…what’s new with you? Stay tuned for updates of the week so epic, it will make the baby jesus weep tears of awesome.





We laugh at danger and break all the rules

21 07 2009

Hey, I’m back to almost no readers. AWESOME.

A few things. Someone explain to me why when I google weird things that lead to my blog, according to my stats, my blog never comes up? For example – “rus bbw”. What the hell are you people looking for?! Also, “dad needs band-aid”. Seriously. Why would you need to google that and how would that lead you here? I’m worried about your immortal souls, internet.

More important things. I know a lot of you don’t read this, obviously. I can see that. However, if you do and you can offer ANY help. I’m begging. Pleading. I’m talking whipped cream with a cherry in top, PLEASE!

I have two friends who live in Louisville. They are two of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. They opened their home and hearts to me and treated me like they’d known me their entire lives. I met them through Woodership Down when we went on our epic Lucero weekend back in April. They are stranded in the mountains of West Virginia with $26, a busted head gasket, a $565 mechanic bill (that didn’t fix shit) and no place to stay/short amount of supplies. They created a facebook group asking for help. Being the kind of people they are, they are content with just a positive thought or quick prayer. If that’s all you can offer, please give it. If I were in this position, I’d have lost my shit by now. They are handling it with grace and humor and the utmost humility. I know if the situation were reversed, they’d do anything they could to help. So please, just think about it. You can contact me via lowercasesandcapitals@live.com

In more positive news…. THE FAIR IS THIS WEEK!!! I already warned Poprocks that we are going. I want to remind him of the delicious white trash he left behind. Welcome back to the real America, my love. Corndogs. Lemon shake ups. Bad tattoos. Mullets. Sugar waffles. Tractor pulls. FARM ANIMALS. I love the fair. Un-ironically.  (I have to clarify all of the things I love, that I shouldn’t to Toast. Like Lynyrd Skynyrd). FAIR! I think Wifey and perhaps Savannah will join us. I am SO EXCITED. Of course, I am a huge fan of any place that offers me a variety of fried foods. And the people watching…sweet baby jesus. If you’re interested in joining the madness, let me know.

UPDATE – My friends have been rescued! For the most part. They’re at least being taken home, broken truck and all. A lot of people love those two. I can only hope I inspire the same type of friendship…but we all know better. ;)





If it all ended tonight, you know that I wouldn’t mind

20 07 2009

Hey, you still there? Yeah, sorry about that. I need a few days to sort through my brain and set it straight.

I called Toast on Friday. I owed him an apology. The more I thought about it (and after a great conversation with old boss lady) I realized I never gave him a chance. I was so worried about protecting myself and being me that I never thought about how sometimes people change you for the better. So, I guess what I’m saying is we made up. We went to see Harry Potter on Friday night, yes I’m that lame, and he came over tonight and we watched About A Boy. HE HAD NEVER SEEN IT.

About A Boy is one of my favorite movies ever. I love anything Nick Hornby and Hugh Grant is another fave. Not to mention the soundtrack holds the key to my heart in one 3:20 song. He said he liked it, I hope he did. He may have lied to me after my disappointment of him refusing to give Flight of the Conchords a chance…and then me making him watch endless clips of it anyway via YouTube. I’m no quitter.

I spent some quality time with Clark and Button yesterday. She was wild all day, and then he put a video on and she curled up on me and I melted a little. Now that she’s starting to babble a lot, I asked Clark what she’s going to call me. My name in nearly un-pronounceable. Even to adults. He suggested my high school/college nickname. It lives on.

In the most exciting news, possibly ever, POPROCKS IS HOME!!!! He has returned from his adventures overseas and will be at my house on Friday. FOR A WHOLE WEEK. I have so many plans. I am so very excited. I am sure this will be the longest week of my life, waiting for him to get here. It will be worth it though. I have missed him more than I can ever put into words. Also, that bitch bought me a hookah. I adore him.

I have so much more to say, probably, but I’m so freaking tired and this weather is so perfect for sleeping. I’m going to go take advantage of it.





Thinking on things you wish you hadn’t, things you wish you remembered.

16 07 2009

I know I say it a lot, but I don’t usually mean it like this.

I am an asshole. Seriously.

I have done nothing but piss and moan about how people need to man up and come to me if they have a problem and not talk about it behind my back or hid behind anonymous screen names. Then I was set straight today by a friend I probably take for granted.

I was pissed off last night. I was hurt. I felt judged and attacked and frustrated. I thought I was doing the right thing by working through it on my blog. I never meant to be passive aggressive or call anyone out. But I did just that. I saw myself as venting about something that upset me. I use this blog as a tool to work through my (many) issues. I am surprisingly non-confrontational. I wasn’t mad at anyone, so I didn’t think I was directing my frustration at anyone. I’m slow.

I am lucky I have friends in spite of all the stupid shit I do. I am thankful that this one took me aside and called me on my bullshit. I needed a reality check. I should’ve taken the problem to her first, not here. For that I apologize. I wasn’t even mad at her, so I didn’t see what I did wrong or how much of a hypocrite I was being at first. We had a really good talk today. As I said before, I know it comes from a good place and I put myself in her shoes. I’ve been there before. I was being an idiot. I had no idea how hurt or angry I was until I re-read what I wrote. So, to my beloved girls…you know who you are, I sincerely apologize and promise not to suck anymore.

That being said….

My life is so predictable. The men in it are anyway. Banky texted me most of the afternoon. It started off as him telling me he bought his brother sunglasses but he was afraid they may be female. I confirmed. We argued about that for awhile. Then he told me The Dead Weather – Hang You From The Heavens was his new favorite song. So I went and listened to it.

I am trying this new thing, called DON’T FUCKING READ INTO EVERY LITTLE THING. But after the conversation we had yesterday and him being back to his old ways (I know, I know. I’m stopping it now.) it is hard not to. But I’m not. I’m really not.

While I am not that into them, blasphemy according to some, that guitar is sexy. The lyrics… His favorite? I like to grab you by the hair
and drag you to the devil.
I need new men in my life. I told him my new favorite song was Jon Snodgrass’ cover of Wild One. Seriously. It does something to me. Born Apart is a close second. I am counting down the milliseconds until I get to see him live. I want to kiss him on the cheek.

So yeah, all afternoon is back and forth bickering with Banky. I get home, relax and am starting my routine of falling asleep on the couch while watching NCIS reruns with the dog. Phone rings. BNB. You. Have. Got. To. Be. KIDDING.

He found me a copy of Chasing Amy and picked it up for me. Awww, what am I supposed to say? Hey kitchen dick, thanks for getting back to me a month later, now that you’re single again. Dick. So he wants to tell me all about his break up with the scrap pile from The Creature Shop. I tell him about Banky and Toast. We laugh at each other and I realize I have shifted so drastically in my feelings towards him. He is like a big brother, not the dude I spent all of my adult life head over heels for. Progress, no?

Totoro had called, so I called her back and said BNB had called. “What, is he single again?” Damn. Predictable. They all are. I love them in my own way and they love me in theirs. If they didn’t mean anything, they wouldn’t be around. Plus, BNB is one helluva artist. I’m not walking away from discount tattoos either.

I thought a lot about what I was told today, about making the best of what I have. I don’t like advice. I rarely ask for it. Mostly because it just turns me into a dick. Especially unsolicited. I am trying to get better about it. But, I was given some things to think about today. I’m going to try writing short stories maybe once a week. They may even show up here now and again. I need to break this writer’s block. I’m also going to start posting things that inspire me. I discovered Imgfave today. If you’re curious, you can browse through the things I’ve saved so far here.

I think this is all I need to say today.

terrible/perfect

I lied. One more thing.

Impatient





It’s plain to see, you’re a dangerous thing

15 07 2009

Well…fuck.

I burnt my Toast, ya’ll. It’s over before it began. I am…irritated. Apparently he wanted to tell me when he came over on Monday, but he couldn’t. I knew. He looked so sad. I could read every thought on his face. He talked and talked and talked. When he ran out of steam I let it all sink in. Then I said “ok”. “Is that all you have to say?” Of course it’s not. But it was all I wanted to say.

Hold onto your asses folks, are you ready?

He hurt my feelings. So I wasn’t shouting my love from the mountain tops, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t crazy about him. Sure once I realized we were completely incompatible I pulled back a little. But I talked about it! I expressed things! I reassured and listened! Not good enough. I almost reached through the phone when he said he felt it could be any guy in his situation, that it had nothing to do with him.

Oh. Hell. Naw.

Many have tried. More have failed. I have been explicitly clear over the past two years about the fact that I don’t want a boyfriend. They all tried to change my mind. I dropped them quicker than panties on prom night. (It hurt to write that).When I started this dating nonsense I said I didn’t want a boyfriend. When I met him, that changed. I was willing to try. I wanted to give it a real chance. He is the first guy in two years I have admitted to being in a relationship with! But it could have been anyone. Yeah. Ok.

I feel let down. My best wasn’t good enough. He got all sanctimonious and preachy on me. Look, I’ve gotten this speech before. Don’t talk down to me. I have been in love. I have felt that happiness that is so big you think your heart is going to explode. There is no way something so tiny could contain something so big and wonderful. I know what it’s like to look at someone and be filled with a love so deep it takes your breath away. Excuse me if I don’t want to go and just give myself away to the first guy that calls me pretty. I have never been desperate, I’m not about to start now.

I gave my heart to someone once. I’m not 100% sure I ever got it back. There is not a fucking day that goes by that I don’t think of him. There is not one day that I don’t miss him. I’m not looking for a fucking replacement. This girl wants the real deal. I’m not going to just open up and rush into something. I don’t have to. Don’t fucking treat me like a godamned pariah because I am single at 27. It’s not 1950. My ovaries are still steaming fresh. There is nothing wrong with me because I am not dependent on another human being for survival. I love you people, I do. I know you mean well. I do. But I am done. No more advice. No more treating me like a child. I am so happy for those of you that found your person. I lost mine. I don’t know that there is another one for me. If there is, he’ll find me when the time is right. In the meantime, I am very happy with who I am. I’m stuck in my ways. I also don’t think I’m a whore. We’re all adults here, it’s just a little sex. Read the rest of this entry »





Can’t believe I’m wasting these lines on you

14 07 2009

Alright, first things first. The important stuff.

I FINALLY got my Cory Branan/Jon Snodgrass split! Jon’s cover of Thin Lizzy’s Wild One is amazing. Goosebumps. Cory’s long awaited studio version of Walk Around? DISAPPOINTED. He doesn’t say “fucking golden unicorn”. That’s what MAKES that song. Every thing else is amazing. Cory’s Yeah, So What? may be a new favorite. Born Apart has a harmonica part that makes me MELT. To my fucking core. These two can do no wrong.

Ok, enough about things that make me happy. Let’s move on to things that burn my ass. Cowards. I live my life very honestly. Or I try to. I can’t sleep at night knowing there’s something I need to say and I haven’t said it. Hello, that’s why I blog before bed. So I don’t understand who left me that comment. Here’s my theory…

That comment was either made by someone who desperately craves attention- wait. No, no matter what, that comment was made by an attention whore. That much is obvious. It was either completely random, and made by someone who just likes to fuck with people. Ok, fine. Whatever, kitchen dick. It’s cool.

If it WAS by someone I know or who knows me, well…my thoughts are much simpler. Fuck you. If you have something to say to me, or if I have so grievously offended you…MAN UP. Tell me to my fucking face, or at least let me know who you are. There was NOTHING in that blog that deserved that. That comment didn’t even make sense. What did I do? You’re right. I don’t have any idea. Tell me. Also, if you knew me at all you would know I pride myself on being ridiculous, and yes…even disgusting. Lighten the fuck up. Laugh at me, I do. Laugh at yourself.

When I first read that comment I laughed hysterically for a good 10 minutes. Then I called Toast and read it to him. He was confused as well. Then I called Totoro. She was the first one to say out loud what my fear was. What if it was the dumbcuntwhorebagslutface that stole my man? If it was, how do you like your new nickname, slag?

Here’s the thing, that crazy ass bitch… She got what she wanted. My life. She took my future. My boyfriend, my plans, my past…she robbed me of all of it. Then, she had the fucking audacity to keep tabs on me. She refuses to let Douche even utter my name. He is not allowed to be friends with me. He suggested I write to her and ask her permission, basically. Clearly, eight years together and he didn’t even know me that well. See, he misses me. I miss him too. Shut up. He was my best friend for nearly a third of my life. This August would have been our ten year anniversary. So, little miss homewrecker…FUCK YOU. Every reason he said he didn’t want to be with me for, you have magnified. Karma, is that you?

I don’t know if it was her or not. I do know I quit writing in my livejournal for the most part because she would log into his and read mine, unbeknownst to either of us. So he says. This was up to six months ago, when he deleted it. It had been a year and a half. I had walked away. She is certifiable, man. He knew about Banky because she told him. Those two deserve each other.

Anyway, that’s the end of it. It pisses me off because I write this blog for me. No one else. I don’t care if people read or comment. I write to work through shit in my own foul-mouthed way. If you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT. It’s just common fucking sense.

Really moving on this time. I am trying to convince Space Cowboy to write a blog. He sends me the most amazing texts ever. He’s hilarious and would be a riot to read. Today we continued a conversation about the BNB’s breakup with Jim Henson’s abortion. (TM Space Cowboy, 2009)

“I mean if I woke up looking like some half assed Sesame Street abomination, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.”

PRICELESS.

I am a very lucky girl. I have a lot of very close guy friends. Space Cowboy, Halpert, Clark, J-Bear, Vampire…even Banky. No matter what has happened between any of us, we are always friends. They are protective, tell me I’m pretty, do sweet things for me. It’s almost like having my own harem. Without the feeding of grapes and whoring it up. As much as I love these boys, and trust me, I do, they’re my brothers…nothing compares to my ladies.

I always hated girls. Always. I always had more dude friends. Then I found my people. The other girls who were like me, bitchy but honest. Thought and acted more like guys, and could drink most of them under the table. These are my surrogate sisters. Wifey, MFEO, Savannah Ruby Soho and Martha make every day bearable. Without them, I wouldn’t be the awesome woman I am today…on my way to burning in cunt hell. They’ll be joining me. Thank god. It’d be so boring alone.





Sweet on a green-eyed girl. All fiery Irish clip and curl. All brine and piss and vinegar.

14 07 2009

I should be sleeping. Toast just left and I quite literally was falling asleep on him. However, I feel the compulsive need to write something seeing as so many of you read me today. Seriously…what gives? Thanks.

Anyway, I will address this in full detail tomorrow. Well, both of these. First things first.

Naked Jenny Jones

Ok, so maybe my number one fan was right about me. Oh yes, I have a fan. I must have a fan. This person was so upset that I trashed myself yesterday that they left me this gem in my comments. “You are fucking disgusting. You have no idea what you just did. I hope you and your ridiculous blog burn in cunt hell.”

Precious. I didn’t know ya’ll cared so much! I’m seriously honored. I’ll discuss my feelings further tomorrow. In the meantime I leave you with this…my Wifey is Her Royal Highness Queen Googler. Do you know what that means my little cowardly friend? I know where you live. Just mull that over in your tiny little brain. I have to go. Cunt hell is paging me. xoxo








Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.