I’ve been thinking too much lately. It was so hard not to call Douche McGee this weekend and scream “do you know what your fucking baby sister did??” into the phone. She always belonged to him, not me. She even looked more like him than me, lanky and dark. She took our split the same was she took her parents. Silently. I know it was hard on her, she’d grown up with him. When we started dating she was only 7. I could still carry her on my hip. I felt guilty for a long time. I felt like I failed her. I still do, just for different reasons now. I just wish we were closer. In every sense of the word.

I’m going through a phase where I miss him a lot. I hate these. I know it will pass and I usually combat it by spitting venom at his memory. It’s just hard sometimes. I always want to talk to him when I fail at a new relationship. I think he holds the key or something. In a fucked up way, he does. No matter what, part of me will always love him best. That part gets smaller over time, but it’s still there and it makes me madder than fish grease. (Shout out to Michael K!)

I’ve been thinking about that boy I met down south this spring a lot lately. I’m hopefully going down again for a visit soon. I know it’s probably nothing, but he hit something in me and I can’t quite shake it. I just want to see his face again.

Speaking of faces, holy hell. My sister introduced me to the piercer at the shop by her house. Textbook my type. Tall, skinny, beard, sleeves…fuck me. Gorgeous. He also shares a name with my favorite uncle. And then there’s the accent. That awful accent. Still, when he walked out of that piercing room my heart stopped and I looked at Totoro and gave her the “you should have warned a bitch” look. Melt. Why can’t I find a nice boy like that?

Ok, fact of the matter is, I’m really not looking right now. I wasn’t before, but after the Toast debacle it ruined it for me. I want nothing to do with the dating scene right now. It both bores and terrifies me. It was nice having someone to lay on, and I know he exists somewhere, but I’m just not in the right place. He’ll find me when he’s supposed to. Hopefully it’ll be when I head south for good. Some nice southern gentleman, perhaps? Mmm. A girl can dream.

Going a step back, speaking of piercers…mine would be absolutely horrified if he knew what I did to my body tonight. I went to run errands with Savannah and ended up buying a pair of stainless steel tunnels on our adventure. Ever since I started gauging my ears, my goal has been to have tunnels. I am at the smallest gauge I can be and have tunnels. Getting them in? Well, my lovely enabler and piercer would have bitch slapped me if he could have seen me with my homemade stretching taper. Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Or in this case, whatever she damn well pleases.

Next segue – things that please me. Space Cowboy penned a fantastic article about his first tattoo experience. I’d link to it when it goes up, but then ya’ll would know the BNB’s true identity as well as Space Cowboy’s. We can’t have that, now can we?

I borrowed Blood Meridian from the BNB last week. I’ve been plowing through it since Thursday. Holy shit. This book is slowly killing me. I kept falling asleep the first day I was reading it. The prose is antiquated and there are no quotations when people are speaking. It’s full of untranslated Spanish and half of the contractions don’t have apostrophes. It hurts to read. I have to read paragraphs two or three times to figure them out. My Spanish is rusty so I have missed chunks of those parts. Oh, and then there’s the violence. I can see why people walk away from this book. It is a bloody battle both on and off the pages. It has my sweat and tears staining its blood filled pages. I refuse to give up on it with only 121 pages to go. At only 337 pages, this should have been a long afternoon read for the girl who doesn’t read, but devours books. It’s really pissing me off, ya’ll. It’s a fight to the death and no book is gonna best me.

One last thing, wait…two. First of all, one more new blog search that made me roll my eyes. And I quote, “facebook quizes scare me”. Yeah, well people who can’t spell quizzes scare me. Next…Brand New released a preview of a new track on Amazon. Today Spin had the track listing and artwork. I am not crazy about the song. I pray the album gives better face than that. As for the art…le sigh. Fucking foxes.