I don’t want to write a post about how awful this week has been, or how stressed out I am, or how much I really fucking hate 99% of the world’s population. So that leaves me…shit. Nothing.
Next weekend Space Cowboy comes back from Marine Summer Camp for a week before shipping out. I am excited, nervous, terrified and sad. It’s very tiring. Emotions are soo passe. However, I’m full of ’em this week. Here’s the thing though…
I haven’t talked to Space Cowboy since he left for camp. In April. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s his girlfriend, if he’s mad at me, or if it’s just he hasn’t had anything to say. It’s very difficult to go from talking to someone at least once a week to not at all. I guess it’s been good training for when he’s gone…but fuck. I miss him like crazy. I tried explaining all my anxiety to the Scotsman and he just didn’t get it. In fact, he got “weirded out” over it.
Ok, Mr. I-don’t-ever-get-jealous…I am sick of this game. Space Cowboy is one of my BFFs. Always has been, always will be. He understands me better than I do sometimes. He always makes me laugh and he always listens. I love him with all of my heart. But it’s never been like that and it never will be. He’s like my brother. He’s the one I tell my secrets to. The one I trust to always have my back. But it’s never, ever gone beyond that. Trust me, there was a point in my life where I wished for it. I wished that I could transcend that because he is one of the good ones. He is the best one, of the best ones. But he speaks to a different part of my soul. He fulfills an empty spot I didn’t know I had until he wasn’t there to fill it. Every girl needs a boy BFF. It keeps her sane. I am unravelling quickly without mine.
Space Cowboy, I miss you so very much and I love you even more. Call me when you get home. And you…Halpert. You need to call me, too. Quit stalking me, bro. Pick up the phone.
Now, back to my regularly scheduled shit-losing.