Someday I’ll alphabetize this. Ha, yeah right. Someday I’ll update it too. But don’t hold your breath…

Seesters – There are two, Totoro (the middle one) and Dinga (the baby).

Poprocks – My BFF for reasons we have yet to discover. Also, he abandoned me to go live in Israel for two years. Jerkface.

MFEO – My surrogate sister and conscience.

Nola – My girl down South who is ALWAYS there for me.

Savannah – My advisor and one of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Ruby Soho – My sister from another mister.

Wifey – The one who knows all my secrets.

Martha – My crap buddy and hilarious partner in crime. Also, my consultant.

Douche McGee – The man who made me what I am and my ex-boyfriend.

The BNB – The Bad News Bear. Possible love of my life, possible “Charlie Nicholson.”

Charlie – My only other ex boyfriend who spent years chasing me until I was actually available. Idiot.

Banky – Not really my ex, but not really not my ex. Great dude, shitty boyfriend.

Hobnobs – What could have been disaster, averted.

Ben Nichols – This is not an alias. I love this man and his music and you should too.

Cha Cha – My sister, Dinga’s, long suffering on and off boyfriend.

Frathole – Totoro’s sort of boyfriend. I guess. Whatever.

Space Cowboy – One of my very best guy friends. Also one of the funniest people alive.

Clark – My little brother and father of my favorite child in the universe.

Button – Clark’s daughter and love of my life.

Halpert – Another good guy friend from college and my future sugar daddy.

Indie  - The guy who makes the best playlists on the planet and is another “tortured” writer.

Vampire – A boy I love very dearly as a friend.

Woodership Down – Me, but nicer and with boy parts.

Pope B – One of my oldest friends and original drinking buddy.

Jenny Jones – Boss lady.

Toast – The first guy I tried to date since Douche McGee. It went down in spectacular flames.

J-Bear – The sweetest dude in the history of dudedom.

Louisville – The boy I met during the epic Lucero weekend that I can’t seem to shake out of my brain.

HC – A boy I met early in college who has been asking me to marry him since the day we met.

Guam – There’s no good way to describe him other than a boy I have always loved in some shape or form.