Bloody marys and grilled cheese…because I’m an adult

9 03 2011

I have been thinking about ditchin’ this here blog contraption seeing as I have no desire to write lately. None. I have nothing interesting to say. Things aren’t bad, they’re not good, I’m just puttering along, existing and such.

I went to Florida. It was warm and there was a day at the beach and for a moment everything was okay again. I walked out about a quarter mile into the ocean by myself and just thought. I thought about everything. It was the most relaxed I’ve been in a good two years. It’s the first time I’ve been in the ocean since 2007. Shoot me in the face.

I was in Florida for the j-o-b so it wasn’t all fun and games…but it was mostly. If we hit our stretch sales goal in June/July we’re having the meeting in Maui next February. MAUI. FEBRUARY. MAAAAAUUUUUUUUIIIIIII. So if you know who I work for, and what we sell…go get you some!

Manfred has had a fire lit under his ass and decided to move bedrooms, buy a guest bed and start cleaning out Unc’s shit. I think these are all generally good signs, but he’s also been kind of a dick lately so I’m spending a lot of time away from him so he can work through that aggression without me having to deal with it.

It’s Lent. I actually am making a sacrifice this year. Not some half-assed one, a real one. No dining out. I kept saying eating out, but my 12 year old boy mind kept going gross places and you know…so no dining out.  This means I bought a shit ton of groceries and I am cooking more. Better for the bottomline, better for the waistline.

Speaking of…I’ve been getting up and going to workout in the mornings. You heard me. MORNINGS. 6:00am. Kitty is kicking my ass. I hate it, but I love it. But mostly I hate it. I’m growing to love the challenge and seeing how far I can push my body. At this point…not very. My freaking hammies are SO TIGHT. I thought I ripped one the other morning. Le ouch. I wanted to eat a Girl Scout cookie today. She told me she’d make me do squats and (more) wall sits. Guess who didn’t eat a cookie. Guess who will end up doing squats and wall sits anyway.

I’ve been thinking about my happiness a lot lately. I’ve sacrificed a lot over the past few years. Well, the past year mostly, but I’m starting to see pay off in some areas, but others…I’m disenchanted. I’m bored and I need something new. I tried to tell myself I’d write more, or create. I’ve done nothing of the sort. Clearly. But I think I need something more than to paint or write or make things. I just don’t know what it is yet. I’m prepared to find out though so be prepared for me to be totally selfish for awhile. I barely have enough energy to do what I need to do and I have no desire to deal with anyone else’s needs right now. Sorry. I just need time to figure it out. I’ve been a totally shitty friend lately, so most of you probably won’t even notice.

As usual, I’ve done nothing constructive with this space so I’m going to go watch some Futurama. Viva la Netflix.





Topsy Turvy

3 12 2010

The last blog I wrote was on my half-birthday. Something I totally forgot about until my mom reminded me. So yeah…six months closer to 29. Awesome.

I got a promotion today.

I asked for it in April, and honestly it was hardly even worth it, BUT…I now have the title I deserve AND I’ll never say no to more money, no matter how insulting it is. Plus, I think I get a raise again within the next 6-7 months so…there’s that.

I had one of those days where everything just seemed to work out for me. In about 12 hours I’ll find out if one other thing I’ve been crossing my fingers for comes true. More on that tomorrow…today…later. Whatever. I am trying not to jinx it.

Anyway, yes. Lucky day. Everything seemed to be happening with the sole purpose of making me happy today. So naturally, I got nervous. I’m a glass is half empty so may as well slam it kind of girl. That was a fancy way of saying, I always expect the worst, and it always hits me hard anyway.

Manfred called.

I haven’t seen him since Sunday. He has a wicked upper respiratory infection. I finally convinced him to go to the doctor today. He also listened to me and made chicken soup with hot sauce and got himself some oj. It makes me all swoony when he does what I tell him to.

Again, I digress.

The nurse found a Kennedy Ulcer on his mama today. This is not good. She was diagnosed with pneumonia earlier this week and the kids opted not to treat it. It would only be prolonging the inevitable and at this point, the woman is clearly in pain and suffering. The nurse told Manfred it’s usually about a week or so after a Kennedy Ulcer shows up. So here we are, facing the end. Again. This time is seems more certain. I don’t know if I’m ready. I haven’t prepared myself sufficiently for this. With all the ups and downs she’s been having, no one could guess from day to day what was going to happen. But now we know. It’s coming. Soon.

My gran predicted that we would lose her around the holidays. Goddamn my creepy ass clairvoyant family. I was praying we could at least make it into the new year. I mean, there is no guarantee that we can’t…but I don’t have a good feeling about this.

I’m going to need you. All of you. I need you to help me find my strength. Help me square my shoulders and face this. I’ve never been good with death and I’m terrified of falling apart when he needs me most. So, if I’m mean, or uncommunicative and withdrawn, or if I call you and just sob, please understand. Please don’t ask me to talk about it. I am sick of being consumed by it. I don’t WANT to talk about it. So please don’t ask. I just need you to help keep me upright for a little while, until we get through this.





Save your money for the weekend

22 08 2010

I’m preparing for an awesome/awful week. I always think of the Built to Spill song Terrible/Perfect. That’s the best description of my life ever. It’s pretty fucking amazing. But it also sucks so fucking hard at the same time. It’s a fucking contradiction. I don’t know if I’d be happy any other way. Para example:

This week I get to see one of my favorite fucking bands. Glossary. I get to see them in a tiny ass bar that serves the BEST tofu burritos on earth. This is awesome, no? Well the show doesn’t start until 10 and they are the headliners. I will have been at work since 6:30 that morning and need to do the same the morning after. Terrible/perfect.

I also get to see my homeboy Cory Branan, and FINALLY get to see Jon Snodgrass/Drag The River. I have to travel 5 hours to do so and I am staying at one of my BFF’s places. Too bad she won’t be there. I miss you, Chi.

This is my life. It is full of first world problems and I am an asshole for complaining about this shit, I know. The point is, this week is already weird and I should be asleep. I have to be up in 7 hours.





Insomnesia

27 07 2010

I can’t sleep.

This is nothing new, of course. But I am shocked the exhaustion hasn’t kicked in. For the past two mornings I’ve gotten up at 5:30am. Me. Five. Thirty. A. M. I am not in any way, shape, or form a morning person. I’ve never been one to sleep at night. My body just doesn’t shut down until midnight or later…hence all the late night ramblings I used to do…

Ever since I started sleeping next to the Scotsman most nights, I sleep much better. And longer. He often teases me about how much I sleep. Look, I’m just trying to make up for a lifetime without it. And the past few nights I haven’t stayed with him due to this weeks insane work schedule. (7-6)

I haven’t gone to bed before midnight or 1:00am the past few nights. I haven’t been sleeping the night through either. Today I had a terrible day. I had to go to the dentist and was there nearly two hours. I HATE the dentist. I hate the dentist so much I’d rather go to the gyno. Seriously. Having a stranger peep at my lady bits is way less upsetting to me than someone sticking their fingers in my mouth. I know. Issues. Blah blah blah. I had a horrible experience with my wisdom teeth and since then the dentist is one of my least fave peeps.

So I’m on edge, I’m exhausted and I get a nastygram from my freelance client. Well, impulse beat instinct to the punch and I let my fingers work faster than my brain. Oops. I thought about asking Kitty to read it before I sent it to see if I needed to tone the bitch down, but she’s meaner than I am so that would have been useless. In the end, it all got worked out, but fuck. I need more hours in my day. Preferably ones I can use to sleep.

So anyway, all of this not sleeping and messes at work and messes in my personal life have given me insomnesia. I don’t sleep enough to make my brain function properly. I forgot how to sign my name today. I had to sign an approval today and Kitty looked at me and said “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

No. Not these days.

I do know this though…even though he’s only 20 minutes away and I saw him Monday night, I am aching for the boy. I miss his presence. This is excellent! I was starting to get really sick of the sight of him…blame shark week mostly…yeah…that too…but now that he’s not at my side, I’m miserable. Just a few more days and then it’ll be Friday. I am off, I have an appointment to get mah hurr did, lunch with MFEO…all will be well. I just need to start caffeinating myself better.

How’s your week? Any get to sleep techniques you’d like to share? Please? Seriously. PLEASE!





Put your right hand on my heart

22 06 2010

I need a new car. I’ve almost been hit (one time it was sort of my fault but mostly it was the guy being an asshole) three times in the past 24 hours. I don’t know if my car is too little, the color blends in with the rainy weather or what. But I am scared. The woman that almost merged into me this morning was putting on her mascara instead of looking to see if there was anyone in the left lane. Fucking Ohio drivers. Read the rest of this entry »





Come on sweet catastrophe

26 05 2010

Today was hell. Pure, fucking hell. I gotta quit that fucking job, man. One one of my (many) phone calls with Nola today I explained it as thus: You work a job you hate for not enough money to buy all the shit you don’t need. It’s the American Way. Read the rest of this entry »





You got me real good, girl, and I must admit, you pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish. And it’s a shame to know most folks don’t ever know love like this.

6 04 2010

I am so content with my life right now. It is filled with wonderful people and more love than I could have ever imagined.

Read the rest of this entry »





I am not having a bad day

16 03 2010

I am just annoyed. Highly fucking irritated. Read the rest of this entry »





Don’t call what you’re wearing an outfit

26 01 2010

Oh God, ya’ll. I am so tired. So very tired. Read the rest of this entry »





Looks like you’re leaving. Sounds like you’re gone

19 01 2010

This will be short, the melatonin is kicking in. Read the rest of this entry »








Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.