I am about 30 seconds from losing my shit today. I got attacked by Le Coug this morning. Le Coug is this woman I work with. She may in fact be Satan. She terrorizes the rest of us. You cannot win. EVER. I try to avoid her, but she sits directly across from me, inevitably, there are showdowns. She’s just an irritant though, not what’s occupying my brain.

I was looking through pictures last night and I ended up looking through my epic Lucero weekend pictures. I missed Woodership Down very much. Then I got to the pictures of me and Louisville. My heart sort of stopped for a minute. I keep thinking about him. That whole weekend was just sort of wonderful and crazy and strange and he was one of the best parts. I can’t seem to forget about him. He just pops into my head every know and then and I miss him like crazy. I don’t know why. We barely know each other. I don’t even know how old he is. My guess is younger than me. I left him a message on facebook last night and got a nearly immediate response. It made me swoon a little bit. I am such a girl about him too. He sends me really sweet texts from time to time and I have them saved as well. I’m trying to push him out, but it’s just not working. I’m planning a trip down there soon, we’ll see.

I have a lot of other things on my mind too. I’m just going to say it, you can hit me if you see me, I don’t care. I miss Banky. I miss his stupid little random texts and snarky comments. I can’t wait for him to get home. Mostly because I know I get a present, but also because I don’t like it when my friends are far away.

Space Cowboy and I had a very long talk last night about the DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA! we’re facing right now in our little circle of friends. I am very worried about how this is all going to play out. My job is to smooth things over and keep the peace. I am trying, but I’m tired, ya’ll. I have so much of my own bullshit to deal with right now I just don’t want to solve anyone else’s problems right now, or listen to anyone’s shit. But it’s what I do, and I’m damn good at it. So keep it coming. It’s a distraction from my issues.

I’m very good at hiding it when shit’s bothering me. Sure it shows up here, but unless you REALLY know me, and know my signs…you’d never know what was up. Most people just let it go. Those who love me know I’ll come to them when I’m ready to talk about it. Right now, I can’t. It’s too big and it hurts too much and I’m too scared. I’m dealing with it by throwing myself into any kind of distraction. I started a painting last night. I had to abandon it due to my crazy ass family being in town and wanting to go out to dinner at 9:00…but I feel…inspired. I’m working through it and even though my stress level is off the charts, I feel pretty good about how I’m handling it.

I’m supposed to go see BNB tonight at work. I owe him some shit. Also…I apparently have a date Friday. I’m not entirely sure how this happened, or why I agreed. I met this guy when I was on OkCupid for five minutes and we hit it off. The Zookeeper. I kind of stopped talking to him when I decided to settle down and give Toast a chance. We started talking again and he asked me out. I said ok. I like boys who buy me drinks. I also like boys named after cities in Kentucky…godamnit Louisville. I have a crush on you.