Don’t look at me with those mitten filled eyes!

30 07 2009

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, we tried to shave the cat and hung out with MFEO.

The rest of the week was really low key. Monday we sort of ended up hanging out with the BNB all day by accident. I went to see him at work and get my present. He forgot it at home, so we went over there and played with the puppy. I also managed to steal a book and season one of Full Metal Alchemist. When we walked out of the shop, Poprocks looks at me and makes some comment about he could see why we were friends or compatible or something. After a whole 10 minutes. I’m glad every one else can see it. Whatever. If it was meant to be, it would have been.

Tuesday we didn’t do much, Banky came over and hung out and smoked some hookah and drank some beer. I got a text from facebook telling me Toast dumped me again. Via facebook message. Yep. I’m not even sad or angry this time. Just annoyed. So over it. When Banky left, Poprocks’ comment was “I can see why that went where it did”. I didn’t ask for elaboration. We spent the rest of the evening playing Mario Party on Gamecube and cracking up. We used to stay up until dawn playing that shit with Douche McGee and we’d all fall asleep in the same bed, like a bunch of puppies. I miss those days.

Wednesday we ran errands and were lazy. We decided to graduate to Mario Party for Wii. I kicked his ass in everything except boxing. We both almost had massive coronaries from boxing. He beat me and I cracked up because in the course of our 10+ year relationship I have given him at least three bloody noses. Irony. We has it.

I gifted Poprocks back to his family today. Then I left town to go see mine. I drove what felt like days, and I finally hit the border. I stopped in to see my sister at work and get a bite to eat. Everyone decided to bail on us, so we’re laying in bed reading/writing and smoking cotton candy flavored hookah. This was after and epic adventure at the grocery store. We shop for food like pregnant stoners. We got everything from english muffins to pizza and chips and salsa. It still doesn’t beat the night we bought a pie and stuff to make guacamole.

We are not going to Warped Tour as previously planned, Totoro couldn’t get off work and Dinga has to save her money for senior pictures. So Totoro and I may go shopping tomorrow for a dress for me for the wedding. It’s in September. The same day as the Lucero show. It’s in the city that Douche lives in though, so I think that’s just me being looked out for.

I am going to start reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy this weekend. I am excited and scared. I know it’s going to be really bloody, but I am excited to put it to the soundtrack Ben Nichols put together for me, in my head. In fact, I’m going to go listen to it now and perhaps start my book. Or go to bed. I am so old and tired.





It’s plain to see, you’re a dangerous thing

15 07 2009

Well…fuck.

I burnt my Toast, ya’ll. It’s over before it began. I am…irritated. Apparently he wanted to tell me when he came over on Monday, but he couldn’t. I knew. He looked so sad. I could read every thought on his face. He talked and talked and talked. When he ran out of steam I let it all sink in. Then I said “ok”. “Is that all you have to say?” Of course it’s not. But it was all I wanted to say.

Hold onto your asses folks, are you ready?

He hurt my feelings. So I wasn’t shouting my love from the mountain tops, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t crazy about him. Sure once I realized we were completely incompatible I pulled back a little. But I talked about it! I expressed things! I reassured and listened! Not good enough. I almost reached through the phone when he said he felt it could be any guy in his situation, that it had nothing to do with him.

Oh. Hell. Naw.

Many have tried. More have failed. I have been explicitly clear over the past two years about the fact that I don’t want a boyfriend. They all tried to change my mind. I dropped them quicker than panties on prom night. (It hurt to write that).When I started this dating nonsense I said I didn’t want a boyfriend. When I met him, that changed. I was willing to try. I wanted to give it a real chance. He is the first guy in two years I have admitted to being in a relationship with! But it could have been anyone. Yeah. Ok.

I feel let down. My best wasn’t good enough. He got all sanctimonious and preachy on me. Look, I’ve gotten this speech before. Don’t talk down to me. I have been in love. I have felt that happiness that is so big you think your heart is going to explode. There is no way something so tiny could contain something so big and wonderful. I know what it’s like to look at someone and be filled with a love so deep it takes your breath away. Excuse me if I don’t want to go and just give myself away to the first guy that calls me pretty. I have never been desperate, I’m not about to start now.

I gave my heart to someone once. I’m not 100% sure I ever got it back. There is not a fucking day that goes by that I don’t think of him. There is not one day that I don’t miss him. I’m not looking for a fucking replacement. This girl wants the real deal. I’m not going to just open up and rush into something. I don’t have to. Don’t fucking treat me like a godamned pariah because I am single at 27. It’s not 1950. My ovaries are still steaming fresh. There is nothing wrong with me because I am not dependent on another human being for survival. I love you people, I do. I know you mean well. I do. But I am done. No more advice. No more treating me like a child. I am so happy for those of you that found your person. I lost mine. I don’t know that there is another one for me. If there is, he’ll find me when the time is right. In the meantime, I am very happy with who I am. I’m stuck in my ways. I also don’t think I’m a whore. We’re all adults here, it’s just a little sex. Read the rest of this entry »





She warned him once about her luck

23 06 2009

If one of you, just one of you, knew the Avett Brothers were in town on Sunday night and didn’t tell me…I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. HOW DID I MISS THIS??

To make matters worse, they’re playing a FREE SHOW in Detroit next Thursday. I can’t go. I have pet sitting duties. I kind of want to weep furiously right now. The Avett Brothers are my new Dropkick Murphys. I will NEVER see them until I’m too old for it to be cool. Le sigh.

Seriously friends, if you knew they were here and didn’t tell me/surprise me with a ticket I will skin you and wear you. I’m THAT angry I missed them. They even played up north the night before so my chances of running into Douche McGee and his whore were slim. GAH!

Whatever. Moving on…

Some of these I have talked about, but these are the songs I currently can’t stop listening to. Obsessively. So you should be listening to them too.

Snowglobe – Ms. June

I really can’t stop listening to this song. On repeat. It’s amazing. It’s my new favorite song…along with all the other songs I’m about to list. It sounds like something out of a Wes Anderson film. It’s pretty, catchy and frantic all at once. Thank you $5 Cover for giving me Snowglobe.

Frontier Folk Nebraska – On The Devil’s Time (Black Horse)

I fell in love with this band last week. I have listened to their album over and over and it’s brilliant. This song in particular is amazing. I love the banjo, and the lyrics. At 1:58 magic happens. The whole album is amazing, but this is the song I find myself singing along to the loudest.

Holly Golightly – Anyway You Like It

Oh man. This girl’s voice…the old country/blues mix. I stumbled across this by chance on lala.com while searching for any Pearlene songs I didn’t have. This was on the same comp as a Pearlene song and it’s just solid. It’s like if the chick from Mazzy Star decided to sing the blues while the band played for Patsy Cline. Or something.

Ben Nichols – Dog Day Nights

Ben Nichols. Solo. Do I need to say anything else? No. But I will. This song is featured on a compilation of Arkansas musicians. I stumbled across this by mistake too. It is pure rock and roll. It could have been recorded 50 years ago. It recalls old Elvis, but with that unmistakable Nichols growl. The guitar kills on this song. You will shake your ass. Guaranteed.

Cory Branan – Survivor Blues (acoustic)

This was the first Cory song I ever heard and it is probably still my favorite. The self described “douchey singer songwriter” version gives it a different feel but it doesn’t lose any of it’s edge or power. It’s just prettier. Cory has a knack for singing these songs about terrible things so sweetly you don’t even notice half the time. Listen to the words to Love Song 8 from The Hell You Say. Seriously. Just the opening line.

Armchair Martian – Monsters/Mexican Song/The Statler Pat

All three of these songs have some of the most well written and brutally honest lyrics I have ever heard. Aside from the fact that I am totally in love with Jon Snodgrass’s music in any form, these are three beautifully written songs. Monsters is a soft acoustic ballad that sounds like heartbreak over the bridge. Mexican Song is another slow one (that I have a great version of Jon doing live) that I love just for the words. It’s one of those I should keep to myself, it’s personal. I take all my music personally though. Statler Pat is just fucking great and I really love the version Bad Astronaut did on the split with Armchair. Again, all I have to say is Jon, like Cory and Ben, has a way with words.

Vitamin String Quartet – The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows/The Kids Aren’t Alright

I hate to call these covers…tributes? This band takes songs by just about everyone and anyone and arranges them with just strings. It’s fucking insane. Brand New is unashamedly one of my favorite bands and has been for the last seven years. Deja Entendu was my first Tennessee. The album that could always make it better. Quiet Things is off that album and also where I got the name for my “real” blog. While I prefer the original, the tribute is pretty. What I like better than the original is the tribute to Offspring’s The Kids Aren’t Alright. The string arrangement turns this mediocre pop punk song into something so indescribably beautiful. It gave me goosebumps the first time I heard it. VSQ did a whole Warped Tour album as well as an entire Bad Religion album. They are fucking awesome.

Now that I’ve given you all that unsolicited musical advice, I’m going to bed. Work is kicking my ass this week and I am exhausted. Banky is not helping. I’m going to stab him. Love you all. xx





Brave with strangers

26 05 2009

Before I get into anything serious (ie – The Banky Chronicles) I have to talk about something way more important.

Jon Snodgrass – Visitor’s Band. That album is AMAZING. Thank you to my darling Ruby Soho for getting it for me for my birthday. It’s a lot of polished versions of songs from Live at the High Dive, one of my favorite live albums ever. I’ve been on a big Drag The River kick lately, so Jon’s album feeds right into that. I also have been listening to Ben Nichols’ solo album a lot lately. Driving home this morning, Tennessee was in my CD player. I let it go. The difference in Ben’s voice from the early Lucero albums to now is unbelievable. I want to shake him and be like, “Hey…I love you. Please lay off the whiskey and marlboro reds before there is nothing left.” Banky says he sounds like he gargles with lava. I love that voice, but he’s going to lose it, or his liver if he doesn’t slow down.

Enough ranting about music. On to the good stuff. I got not one, but two presents from down south. I joked before he left I wanted an alligator. I got one. Well, part of one. Anyone who has ever spent any time in that part of the country, especially Louisiana, has seen the alligator heads in the tourist shops. I own one now. It is both awesome and terrifying. I chased the cat around with it earlier. She is not a fan.

He told me he would bring me an armadillo as well. Well. I got one. Sort of. Read the rest of this entry »





I’ve got friends in all the right places

5 05 2009

I’d like to share with you two actual conversations that happened today. 1. Because they’re funny. 2. I’m pretty sure I have swine flu and am going to die at any moment. That would be welcome at this point. I feel like throwing up things I ate as a child. Gross. Anyway, conversation #1 took place via iChat (hence the no capitalization and probably questionable grammar) between myself and the Wifey while at work today. Enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »





Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)

4 05 2009

So the past week has been a bit of an ego crusher. My self esteem is usually at ok..but the last 168 hours or so have been fairly brutal.

It started when I thought I was being kind of cute and sexy and apparently was so much not so, that I put someone to sleep. Ok, there was a lot of alcohol involved…I can live with that. Then came the bigger blow.

Fucking Banky. Read the rest of this entry »





terrible/perfect

30 04 2009

There’s no easy way to do this. So I’m just going to go into it. This is probably going to be ridiculously long but I don’t really want to break it up. Everything is related. Everything is terrible. Everything is perfect. Read the rest of this entry »





Stop this madness

21 03 2009

This has been a long time coming. I finally decided it was time to tell my story. I have changed all names to protect those involved. I wouldn’t call most of them innocent. You can meet them on the “characters” page.

I have been writing consistently since my freshman year of college, some of that may show up here. I change my mind a lot, so who knows what this space will hold. I’m not making a huge effort to be anonymous here, but I don’t want to piss anyone off either. I just need to say a lot of things to a lot of people.

One of my favorite pastimes is writing letters to people and then not sending them. I either post them in my private journal or I just delete them. The thing is, I don’t write for anyone. I write because it is a compulsion. It helps me think clearer, organize my thoughts and say the things I long to say in real life. That being said, I am sort of sensitive. I write for me, my benefit. Not you. If you disagree with something I’ve said, please have an adult conversation with me about it. I’m too old to fight about the mundane, I got all that out years ago. I’m not sure what I expect to get out of this. If people read it and like it, great. If someone reads this and thinks, “Oh. My. God. I know exactly what she means!” I will be thrilled. If people hate it, eh. Fuck ‘em.

So, this is probably a really shitty introduction to a blog. Do you need an introduction or do you just start writing? It’s my blog. I will do whatever I want with it. So this is it. I’ll give you a quick intro to me I guess.

Currently I am ashamed of myself for sitting and watching almost all of Uptown Girls today. (I missed the beginning.) Why did a girl who publicly loathes chick flicks watch this? Because I recognized the guy and it was bugging me that I couldn’t place him. It took 45 minutes to realize it was Chase from House. By then I was sucked in. Also, why are “rock stars” in movies like that always so effing lame? That song was painful. Speaking of…

I will force my musical preferences on you. I don’t actually expect you to like any of it, but I will tell you this. I have the best taste in music of anyone I know. There are a few people that I share most of my tastes with, The BNB and I are nearly IDENTICAL. But there’s no need to go there just yet. Music is the way to this girl’s heart. Today I have been listening to Neko Case – Middle Cyclone on repeat. I have loved Neko Case for years. South Tacoma Way is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. When I listened to the title track to Middle Cyclone today I had one of my narcissistic music moments.

I am convinced, somehow, that these musicians I love write songs about/for me. The first time I listened to Lucero – Tennessee I was convinced Ben Nichols wrote that album about my heartbreak. No one else could possibly have felt that way before I had, so he must have been privy to my soul. See? I am an asshole. I connect to music better than I do most people. I’m sort of awkward. My brain works at about half the speed of my mouth. This does not work out in my favor most times. Oh well, you’ll have that.

I plan on spending the rest of my Saturday evening going through my life and boxing things up. I’m in purge mode. I need to start over. Hobnobs is supposed to be the change I need. I’m still nervous as hell. I can’t decide if I’m in love with Banky or not and there are still cracks in my foundation from Douche McGee. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time. I do love an adventure.








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