I finally watched The Time Traveler’s Wife tonight. I know, you’re all saying…”the fuck?” as I am not known for being a fan of chick flicks. However, Chi gave me the book shortly after our first meeting and I truly enjoyed it. I was prepared not to like the movie and…eh. I thought from a technical standpoint it was kind of meh at best and Rachel McAdams was mildly terrible. But I think I have a crush on Eric Bana.
Anyway, I was reminded of how much I enjoyed the book and just thinking about the themes in the book and what’s going on in my life right now. Life is…silly. It’s hard and it’s scary and it’s wonderful and heartbreaking and awesome. But it’s silly sometimes. I have been so angry lately. I just feel out of sorts and generally unhappy. I know why, in some sense, but I’m trying to find why in other ways.
I’ve been very unhappy with Manfred. Some of it is his fault, some of it is not. But the bottom line is, I’m unhappy. I’m conflicted. We’ve been through all of this already. But something switched the other night and as soon as I voiced those thoughts outloud, drunkenly to J&A and last night in a heart to heart with Nola…I don’t feel that way anymore. He’s across the state right now and I miss him terribly.
I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on all of this and my fickle emotions and we’re not going to go into them tonight. We’ll summarize with my past has changed me both for the better and the worse. And it usually manifests itself in the same situations. Also? I need to learn to let go and not be so stubborn and to trust myself and my friends more. Withdrawing is not the answer. I’m not burdening anyone by opening up. It’s just so hard for me. I don’t know why.
I am trying to be better. About everything. Just hang in there. We’ll get there eventually.
