So tonight is Cory Branan. That should bring some good stories. Read the rest of this entry »
Time is the best thing for giving in
13 08 2009I have downloaded more free music samplers this week. Seriously. The first one was a Lollapalooza sampler and included what may be my new favorite song. Alberta Cross – The Thief & the Heartbreaker Seriously. I can’t stop listening to it. That and old old old New Amsterdams.
I saw BNB last night. Wifey was with me. It was the usual. “Give me a hug”, flirt, flirt, flirt. Whatever. Not falling for it this time! (Totally would fall for it). We walk out and she looks at me and says “He is really cute”. Thanks, betch. I know.
Feeling old today. Back to school time always gets me nostalgic. I miss college. I miss my friends and how there was always something to do. I miss drinking cheap, nasty beer/alcohol and playing drinking games. I miss the food. If you know where I went to school, you know exactly where I mean. I’d kill for that pizza or a bagel. Mmm. I miss the way campus looked after a storm. I just miss school.
I made a nostalgia mix today. It’s all crap I listened to freshman year. 18 years old and fresh faced and so very misguided. I thought I was so cool because I used to be the girl who knew about all the bands no one else did. I’d find them first. iTunes has a free indie sampler right now. I just downloaded it. I don’t recognize a single name. Not one. And I hate 90% of it. Where’s my AARP card? When do you stop being cool or relevant? Am I there and no one is telling me?! Promise me, my lovely friends and readers (since you’re one in the same, traffic is DOWN) that you’ll tell me if I start getting pathetic. I know, I’m not even 30 yet. But I am not used to not being the cool, indie rock girl.
Date night tomorrow. I’m meeting him at one of my favorite local places for whiskey and ginger ale. He wants to go for wings and beer. Although that sounds like an excellent date to me, not a first one. Ribs and/or wings are not something I can be lady like about. But I love them both.
I’ve been feeling so run down lately. No matter how much I sleep. I think it’s just the weather or allergies. The whiskey will help. Mmm.
Space Cowboy called tonight with good news and then we talked about what spurred my epic meltdown last week and I must say, I am so fucking lucky. Savannah calmed me out of my age freak out this afternoon. I have great friends. I do. I’m the type of girl who needs someone to slap me upside the head a la Gibbs every once in awhile and say “CHILL THE FUCK OUT, BITCH!” or sometimes I just need someone I can tell my secrets to.
There are definitely a lot of those. I was thinking on my way home from work tonight about the two parts of my personality. The good girl, we’ll call her lowercases, and then the bad girl. Capitals, natch. I am SO glad no one knows all of my secrets except for me and Jesus. He has to love me. All I have to do is apologize and tell him what I did and I’m forgiven. Right? That’s how catholicism works, right? That and I follow the three B’s. Booze, babies and bingo. I got this.
One last thing about music, when did “indie” start to mean hip hop? I am all about underground hip hop, helloooo. I have a fucking Sage Francis tattoo. But this is like…clubby hip hop. And shit that sounds like it should be on the Juno soundtrack. Le sigh.
So I got a text from Ruby Soho this week. She saw Cory Branan. She brought me up to him and…HE REMEMBERED ME! He told his girlfriend (boo) about me and everything. I can’t wait to see him again next month. A lot of good shows coming up. God I fucking love music.
I’m sorry I’ve been so fucking dull lately. I promise to make tomorrow night interesting. I mean, the dude is a zookeeper…it can’t be boring. Right? Famous last words…
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Tags: BNB, cory branan, dating is hard, famous last words, friends, i'm older than dirt, music, new amsterdams, oh college, phoning it in, please tell me i'm still relevant, ruby soho, sage francis, Space Cowboy, zookeeper
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You were always on my mind…
12 08 2009I am about 30 seconds from losing my shit today. I got attacked by Le Coug this morning. Le Coug is this woman I work with. She may in fact be Satan. She terrorizes the rest of us. You cannot win. EVER. I try to avoid her, but she sits directly across from me, inevitably, there are showdowns. She’s just an irritant though, not what’s occupying my brain.
I was looking through pictures last night and I ended up looking through my epic Lucero weekend pictures. I missed Woodership Down very much. Then I got to the pictures of me and Louisville. My heart sort of stopped for a minute. I keep thinking about him. That whole weekend was just sort of wonderful and crazy and strange and he was one of the best parts. I can’t seem to forget about him. He just pops into my head every know and then and I miss him like crazy. I don’t know why. We barely know each other. I don’t even know how old he is. My guess is younger than me. I left him a message on facebook last night and got a nearly immediate response. It made me swoon a little bit. I am such a girl about him too. He sends me really sweet texts from time to time and I have them saved as well. I’m trying to push him out, but it’s just not working. I’m planning a trip down there soon, we’ll see.
I have a lot of other things on my mind too. I’m just going to say it, you can hit me if you see me, I don’t care. I miss Banky. I miss his stupid little random texts and snarky comments. I can’t wait for him to get home. Mostly because I know I get a present, but also because I don’t like it when my friends are far away.
Space Cowboy and I had a very long talk last night about the DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA! we’re facing right now in our little circle of friends. I am very worried about how this is all going to play out. My job is to smooth things over and keep the peace. I am trying, but I’m tired, ya’ll. I have so much of my own bullshit to deal with right now I just don’t want to solve anyone else’s problems right now, or listen to anyone’s shit. But it’s what I do, and I’m damn good at it. So keep it coming. It’s a distraction from my issues.
I’m very good at hiding it when shit’s bothering me. Sure it shows up here, but unless you REALLY know me, and know my signs…you’d never know what was up. Most people just let it go. Those who love me know I’ll come to them when I’m ready to talk about it. Right now, I can’t. It’s too big and it hurts too much and I’m too scared. I’m dealing with it by throwing myself into any kind of distraction. I started a painting last night. I had to abandon it due to my crazy ass family being in town and wanting to go out to dinner at 9:00…but I feel…inspired. I’m working through it and even though my stress level is off the charts, I feel pretty good about how I’m handling it.
I’m supposed to go see BNB tonight at work. I owe him some shit. Also…I apparently have a date Friday. I’m not entirely sure how this happened, or why I agreed. I met this guy when I was on OkCupid for five minutes and we hit it off. The Zookeeper. I kind of stopped talking to him when I decided to settle down and give Toast a chance. We started talking again and he asked me out. I said ok. I like boys who buy me drinks. I also like boys named after cities in Kentucky…godamnit Louisville. I have a crush on you.
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Tags: all this and a paycheck too, banky, BNB, cory branan, dating is hard, heartbreak my old friend, le coug, life, louisville, shut up brain, Space Cowboy, things i know better than to do but do anyway, toast, why life annoys me, woodership down, zookeeper
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Can’t believe I’m wasting these lines on you
14 07 2009Alright, first things first. The important stuff.
I FINALLY got my Cory Branan/Jon Snodgrass split! Jon’s cover of Thin Lizzy’s Wild One is amazing. Goosebumps. Cory’s long awaited studio version of Walk Around? DISAPPOINTED. He doesn’t say “fucking golden unicorn”. That’s what MAKES that song. Every thing else is amazing. Cory’s Yeah, So What? may be a new favorite. Born Apart has a harmonica part that makes me MELT. To my fucking core. These two can do no wrong.
Ok, enough about things that make me happy. Let’s move on to things that burn my ass. Cowards. I live my life very honestly. Or I try to. I can’t sleep at night knowing there’s something I need to say and I haven’t said it. Hello, that’s why I blog before bed. So I don’t understand who left me that comment. Here’s my theory…
That comment was either made by someone who desperately craves attention- wait. No, no matter what, that comment was made by an attention whore. That much is obvious. It was either completely random, and made by someone who just likes to fuck with people. Ok, fine. Whatever, kitchen dick. It’s cool.
If it WAS by someone I know or who knows me, well…my thoughts are much simpler. Fuck you. If you have something to say to me, or if I have so grievously offended you…MAN UP. Tell me to my fucking face, or at least let me know who you are. There was NOTHING in that blog that deserved that. That comment didn’t even make sense. What did I do? You’re right. I don’t have any idea. Tell me. Also, if you knew me at all you would know I pride myself on being ridiculous, and yes…even disgusting. Lighten the fuck up. Laugh at me, I do. Laugh at yourself.
When I first read that comment I laughed hysterically for a good 10 minutes. Then I called Toast and read it to him. He was confused as well. Then I called Totoro. She was the first one to say out loud what my fear was. What if it was the dumbcuntwhorebagslutface that stole my man? If it was, how do you like your new nickname, slag?
Here’s the thing, that crazy ass bitch… She got what she wanted. My life. She took my future. My boyfriend, my plans, my past…she robbed me of all of it. Then, she had the fucking audacity to keep tabs on me. She refuses to let Douche even utter my name. He is not allowed to be friends with me. He suggested I write to her and ask her permission, basically. Clearly, eight years together and he didn’t even know me that well. See, he misses me. I miss him too. Shut up. He was my best friend for nearly a third of my life. This August would have been our ten year anniversary. So, little miss homewrecker…FUCK YOU. Every reason he said he didn’t want to be with me for, you have magnified. Karma, is that you?
I don’t know if it was her or not. I do know I quit writing in my livejournal for the most part because she would log into his and read mine, unbeknownst to either of us. So he says. This was up to six months ago, when he deleted it. It had been a year and a half. I had walked away. She is certifiable, man. He knew about Banky because she told him. Those two deserve each other.
Anyway, that’s the end of it. It pisses me off because I write this blog for me. No one else. I don’t care if people read or comment. I write to work through shit in my own foul-mouthed way. If you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT. It’s just common fucking sense.
Really moving on this time. I am trying to convince Space Cowboy to write a blog. He sends me the most amazing texts ever. He’s hilarious and would be a riot to read. Today we continued a conversation about the BNB’s breakup with Jim Henson’s abortion. (TM Space Cowboy, 2009)
“I mean if I woke up looking like some half assed Sesame Street abomination, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.”
PRICELESS.
I am a very lucky girl. I have a lot of very close guy friends. Space Cowboy, Halpert, Clark, J-Bear, Vampire…even Banky. No matter what has happened between any of us, we are always friends. They are protective, tell me I’m pretty, do sweet things for me. It’s almost like having my own harem. Without the feeding of grapes and whoring it up. As much as I love these boys, and trust me, I do, they’re my brothers…nothing compares to my ladies.
I always hated girls. Always. I always had more dude friends. Then I found my people. The other girls who were like me, bitchy but honest. Thought and acted more like guys, and could drink most of them under the table. These are my surrogate sisters. Wifey, MFEO, Savannah Ruby Soho and Martha make every day bearable. Without them, I wouldn’t be the awesome woman I am today…on my way to burning in cunt hell. They’ll be joining me. Thank god. It’d be so boring alone.
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Tags: angry, banky, cory branan, Douche, friends, Halpert, life, martha, MFEO, music, only my life, ruby soho, savannah, Space Cowboy, things i hate, toast, totoro, wifey
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Technology blows
8 07 2009This would be the week my laptop decides to die and Jenny Jones is up my b-hole sideways.
I apologize to you loyal readers, there is OMGSOMUCH to talk about. I got home at 3:30 this morning. I am a heinous bitch right now. It was worth every precious second. Toast makes me go weak in the knees. Seriously. I am TERRIFIED I am going to somehow fuck this all up. Please don’t let me. Keep my head on straight. Wifey…Ruby…I’m looking at you.
Last night, at dinner with Toast, my phone goes off. Text from the B-Man. Remember his gross ass spider bite I gave him the Hello Kitty bandaid for? He posted a picture of it on facebook and I commented on it. “That is disgusting. I hate you”. He texts me to ask why I hate him for posting that. “It’s gross”. “Your mom’s gross”. “So is you face”. “I forget what’s next”. “What’s next is I’m on a date and I’ll talk to you later”. “Oh. Talk to you later”.
This afternoon – “So how was your date last night”? I know he’s been sitting on that text since 8:00 this morning. I tell him it was great. He says he thought I said it was a bunch of weirdos. I tell him that’s what I thought too, but I was pleasantly surprised. “That’s great”! I wish I believed him. Oh wait…what’s this feeling…oh. There isn’t one because I don’t give a fuck. You screwed up BOTH chances I gave you against the better advice of my friends. Choke on it.
Anyway…Toast. Tooooooooast. He makes me all swoony and things and stuff. He has put me in the driver’s seat. TERRIFIED, YA’LL. This is all so…sudden. Unexpected. Amazing.
If he weren’t so godamn precious, I’d punch him in the face for letting me stay up so late last night, ensuring I am wearing the tightest pair of cranky pants I own at the moment. Trust me when I say it was worth it. I am still floating. Sufjan Stevens and the scent of vanilla will forever be changed.
Oh, and in case I didn’t mention it….Cory put my wrists up on his Myspace. Life is fucking grand.
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Tags: banky, cory branan, jenny jones, ruby soho, sufjan stevens, toast, wifey
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Nothing scars you deeper than the things you haven’t done
23 06 2009Last Thursday night was one of those nights. The ones I can’t quite believe as they’re happening and I have to pinch myself. I spend the majority of the following day telling anyone who will listen all about it.
Settle in, kids. This one is gold.
Last Thursday Cory Branan played at a local bar. I would have written about it sooner, but I am TIRED, ya’ll. Anyway, I have been looking forward to this show since it was announced. I loooove Cory. It’s a school night, but I don’t care. This is Cory Branan!
I head down alone, but it doesn’t matter. I know I’ll know people when I get there. Plus, some shows I prefer to go alone. Music is kind of my kryptonite. Certain songs mean too much to me to share with just anyone. I love that silly little quote, “her favorite song will tell you more about her than her lips will”, or something. So true.
I get there a little after 8:00. The show was supposed to start at 8:00 according to Cory’s facebook. It lied. It starts at 9:00. I feel like an asshole. I am sitting outside drinking a beer and looking across Music Bridge at the Scripps building. Not a bad view. All of the sudden, I hear someone say the BNB’s name so I turn around. It’s my friend, Charlie 2. He is named thus because he sounds EXACTLY like Charlie from Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Thank the sweet baby jesus, Charlie 2 is there. He tells me to go ahead and go upstairs. Awesome. It’s about quarter til when I walk in. Now at least I can drink beer in the air conditioning.
The first band was Frontier Folk Nebraska. They were amazing and I can’t stop listening to their album on lala. I am in love.
As they’re playing I see Cory walk over by the door/merch. I jokingly tell Charlie 2 not to let me tackle him. Because seriously, I want to just pour my heart out to the guy. If Ben Nichols made me understand heartbreak, Cory Branan taught me how to fall in love again. Well, it’s a work in progress, but we’re getting there.
I decide to be lame. These guys are my heroes. I’m going to be a fangirl and ask for a picture. So I introduce myself and we talk for a few minutes and Charlie 2 takes an adorable picture. The first thing Cory says to me when I ask him for a picture is “I apologize, I smell real bad.” I respond with “It’s ok, I probably do too.” Nice, l&c. I am totally geeked. I try to pretend I’m cool, but the truth is…I’m just not.
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Tags: banky, BNB, cory branan, music, only my life, why i need my own reality show
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No one told you, it won’t be enough.
4 06 2009The live version of Cory Branan’s Crackerjack Heart makes my heart do funny things. I had to hit next tonight. Lucero – Sixteen came up next. I hate you iTunes.
No word from the B-Man since he came to visit me at work on Tuesday. May or may not have lunch with the twin tomorrow. I have stopped caring. I refuse to let myself get tangled up in his mindfuck again. If and when I do see him again I have very simple words for him.
I like you.
That’s all I want to say to him. Mostly because…goddamnit…I do. I really fucking do. He’s not perfect. He’s not forever. But I like him. He makes me laugh and I almost feel safe with him. Safe enough to be myself. I’d like to buy into the bullshit girls tell themselves and each other. Oh he really likes me and he’s scared of how much so he’s pulling back. Fuck that. That’s MY trick. Maybe he’s just not that into me.
You don’t bring a girl taxidermy unless you’re at least a little into her though…right?
He makes no sense and I am washing my hands of the whole matter. My philosophy is this: If it’s our time, it’s our time. If it’s not, I’m going to bow out gracefully now and go pout in the corner for a few days. I just worry that he’s going to go back to Big Red again and if that’s the case, I’ve lost a friend. I refuse to be the in between girl and I really will lose all respect for him if that’s what happens. Whatever we are will cease to exist. I am no one’s back up bitch.
So I guess I’m settling back into my badass “don’t need nobody” girl routine. It’s a little lonely, but it’s safe. No one is gonna hurt this pretty little face ever again. This attitude is exactly why I think I’d make a great stripper. Confused? Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: banky, books i've read, boys, cory branan, diablo cody, edward r murrow, i can't believe they still pay me to work there, i hate my job, new career ideas
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