Don’t look at me with those mitten filled eyes!

30 07 2009

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, we tried to shave the cat and hung out with MFEO.

The rest of the week was really low key. Monday we sort of ended up hanging out with the BNB all day by accident. I went to see him at work and get my present. He forgot it at home, so we went over there and played with the puppy. I also managed to steal a book and season one of Full Metal Alchemist. When we walked out of the shop, Poprocks looks at me and makes some comment about he could see why we were friends or compatible or something. After a whole 10 minutes. I’m glad every one else can see it. Whatever. If it was meant to be, it would have been.

Tuesday we didn’t do much, Banky came over and hung out and smoked some hookah and drank some beer. I got a text from facebook telling me Toast dumped me again. Via facebook message. Yep. I’m not even sad or angry this time. Just annoyed. So over it. When Banky left, Poprocks’ comment was “I can see why that went where it did”. I didn’t ask for elaboration. We spent the rest of the evening playing Mario Party on Gamecube and cracking up. We used to stay up until dawn playing that shit with Douche McGee and we’d all fall asleep in the same bed, like a bunch of puppies. I miss those days.

Wednesday we ran errands and were lazy. We decided to graduate to Mario Party for Wii. I kicked his ass in everything except boxing. We both almost had massive coronaries from boxing. He beat me and I cracked up because in the course of our 10+ year relationship I have given him at least three bloody noses. Irony. We has it.

I gifted Poprocks back to his family today. Then I left town to go see mine. I drove what felt like days, and I finally hit the border. I stopped in to see my sister at work and get a bite to eat. Everyone decided to bail on us, so we’re laying in bed reading/writing and smoking cotton candy flavored hookah. This was after and epic adventure at the grocery store. We shop for food like pregnant stoners. We got everything from english muffins to pizza and chips and salsa. It still doesn’t beat the night we bought a pie and stuff to make guacamole.

We are not going to Warped Tour as previously planned, Totoro couldn’t get off work and Dinga has to save her money for senior pictures. So Totoro and I may go shopping tomorrow for a dress for me for the wedding. It’s in September. The same day as the Lucero show. It’s in the city that Douche lives in though, so I think that’s just me being looked out for.

I am going to start reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy this weekend. I am excited and scared. I know it’s going to be really bloody, but I am excited to put it to the soundtrack Ben Nichols put together for me, in my head. In fact, I’m going to go listen to it now and perhaps start my book. Or go to bed. I am so old and tired.


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Killing me softly

27 07 2009

I can’t sleep. Probably because my sleep pattern is all fucked up now, and maybe because there’s a lot on my mind.

First of all, I can’t even put into words how awesome it’s been having Poprocks here. Even just sitting on the couch all day watching SVU together was awesome. I can just look over my shoulder and he’s there. It’s blissful. We have laughed so hard over so many silly things.

Friday night we went to the fair with Savannah. It was an experience. I outlined all the highlights. I got my picture taken with a tiger cub. It was the best thing ever. I ate a corn dog and heard Free Bird  and saw lots of farm animals. We invented a new word. Nurpa. It’s a fopa on your neck. We got hysterical over the definition of fopa on Urban Dictionary. I had to call MFEO and leave her a voicemail. I cried the whole way through it. I could not stop laughing. I think it was the combination of hookah, cider and massive amounts of sugar. Fantastic.

Saturday we hung out with MFEO. We ran around town amusing ourselves and then went to dinner. Savannah joined us and again, we all laughed until we cried over stupid shit. I love my friends. After dinner, we went back to MFEO’s where her husband and I attempted to shave her cat. That’s not a euphemism. We really shaved her cat. Or tried to. We failed. Hard. Enre

Mr. MFEO and I were crying by the end of it. MFEO was not happy, but she should have been since Mr. MFEO and I bonded.

Today we laid around and watched SVU all day and I completely forgot about Clark’s wedding shower because I am a crappy friend. I feel like shit. I keep apologizing. My brain just got all caught up in Poprocks being here. I forgot. I fail. Space Cowboy called tonight and we talked it over. I will figure out a way to make it up to him. Read the rest of this entry »


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It’s plain to see, you’re a dangerous thing

15 07 2009

Well…fuck.

I burnt my Toast, ya’ll. It’s over before it began. I am…irritated. Apparently he wanted to tell me when he came over on Monday, but he couldn’t. I knew. He looked so sad. I could read every thought on his face. He talked and talked and talked. When he ran out of steam I let it all sink in. Then I said “ok”. “Is that all you have to say?” Of course it’s not. But it was all I wanted to say.

Hold onto your asses folks, are you ready?

He hurt my feelings. So I wasn’t shouting my love from the mountain tops, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t crazy about him. Sure once I realized we were completely incompatible I pulled back a little. But I talked about it! I expressed things! I reassured and listened! Not good enough. I almost reached through the phone when he said he felt it could be any guy in his situation, that it had nothing to do with him.

Oh. Hell. Naw.

Many have tried. More have failed. I have been explicitly clear over the past two years about the fact that I don’t want a boyfriend. They all tried to change my mind. I dropped them quicker than panties on prom night. (It hurt to write that).When I started this dating nonsense I said I didn’t want a boyfriend. When I met him, that changed. I was willing to try. I wanted to give it a real chance. He is the first guy in two years I have admitted to being in a relationship with! But it could have been anyone. Yeah. Ok.

I feel let down. My best wasn’t good enough. He got all sanctimonious and preachy on me. Look, I’ve gotten this speech before. Don’t talk down to me. I have been in love. I have felt that happiness that is so big you think your heart is going to explode. There is no way something so tiny could contain something so big and wonderful. I know what it’s like to look at someone and be filled with a love so deep it takes your breath away. Excuse me if I don’t want to go and just give myself away to the first guy that calls me pretty. I have never been desperate, I’m not about to start now.

I gave my heart to someone once. I’m not 100% sure I ever got it back. There is not a fucking day that goes by that I don’t think of him. There is not one day that I don’t miss him. I’m not looking for a fucking replacement. This girl wants the real deal. I’m not going to just open up and rush into something. I don’t have to. Don’t fucking treat me like a godamned pariah because I am single at 27. It’s not 1950. My ovaries are still steaming fresh. There is nothing wrong with me because I am not dependent on another human being for survival. I love you people, I do. I know you mean well. I do. But I am done. No more advice. No more treating me like a child. I am so happy for those of you that found your person. I lost mine. I don’t know that there is another one for me. If there is, he’ll find me when the time is right. In the meantime, I am very happy with who I am. I’m stuck in my ways. I also don’t think I’m a whore. We’re all adults here, it’s just a little sex. Read the rest of this entry »


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Can’t believe I’m wasting these lines on you

14 07 2009

Alright, first things first. The important stuff.

I FINALLY got my Cory Branan/Jon Snodgrass split! Jon’s cover of Thin Lizzy’s Wild One is amazing. Goosebumps. Cory’s long awaited studio version of Walk Around? DISAPPOINTED. He doesn’t say “fucking golden unicorn”. That’s what MAKES that song. Every thing else is amazing. Cory’s Yeah, So What? may be a new favorite. Born Apart has a harmonica part that makes me MELT. To my fucking core. These two can do no wrong.

Ok, enough about things that make me happy. Let’s move on to things that burn my ass. Cowards. I live my life very honestly. Or I try to. I can’t sleep at night knowing there’s something I need to say and I haven’t said it. Hello, that’s why I blog before bed. So I don’t understand who left me that comment. Here’s my theory…

That comment was either made by someone who desperately craves attention- wait. No, no matter what, that comment was made by an attention whore. That much is obvious. It was either completely random, and made by someone who just likes to fuck with people. Ok, fine. Whatever, kitchen dick. It’s cool.

If it WAS by someone I know or who knows me, well…my thoughts are much simpler. Fuck you. If you have something to say to me, or if I have so grievously offended you…MAN UP. Tell me to my fucking face, or at least let me know who you are. There was NOTHING in that blog that deserved that. That comment didn’t even make sense. What did I do? You’re right. I don’t have any idea. Tell me. Also, if you knew me at all you would know I pride myself on being ridiculous, and yes…even disgusting. Lighten the fuck up. Laugh at me, I do. Laugh at yourself.

When I first read that comment I laughed hysterically for a good 10 minutes. Then I called Toast and read it to him. He was confused as well. Then I called Totoro. She was the first one to say out loud what my fear was. What if it was the dumbcuntwhorebagslutface that stole my man? If it was, how do you like your new nickname, slag?

Here’s the thing, that crazy ass bitch… She got what she wanted. My life. She took my future. My boyfriend, my plans, my past…she robbed me of all of it. Then, she had the fucking audacity to keep tabs on me. She refuses to let Douche even utter my name. He is not allowed to be friends with me. He suggested I write to her and ask her permission, basically. Clearly, eight years together and he didn’t even know me that well. See, he misses me. I miss him too. Shut up. He was my best friend for nearly a third of my life. This August would have been our ten year anniversary. So, little miss homewrecker…FUCK YOU. Every reason he said he didn’t want to be with me for, you have magnified. Karma, is that you?

I don’t know if it was her or not. I do know I quit writing in my livejournal for the most part because she would log into his and read mine, unbeknownst to either of us. So he says. This was up to six months ago, when he deleted it. It had been a year and a half. I had walked away. She is certifiable, man. He knew about Banky because she told him. Those two deserve each other.

Anyway, that’s the end of it. It pisses me off because I write this blog for me. No one else. I don’t care if people read or comment. I write to work through shit in my own foul-mouthed way. If you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT. It’s just common fucking sense.

Really moving on this time. I am trying to convince Space Cowboy to write a blog. He sends me the most amazing texts ever. He’s hilarious and would be a riot to read. Today we continued a conversation about the BNB’s breakup with Jim Henson’s abortion. (TM Space Cowboy, 2009)

“I mean if I woke up looking like some half assed Sesame Street abomination, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.”

PRICELESS.

I am a very lucky girl. I have a lot of very close guy friends. Space Cowboy, Halpert, Clark, J-Bear, Vampire…even Banky. No matter what has happened between any of us, we are always friends. They are protective, tell me I’m pretty, do sweet things for me. It’s almost like having my own harem. Without the feeding of grapes and whoring it up. As much as I love these boys, and trust me, I do, they’re my brothers…nothing compares to my ladies.

I always hated girls. Always. I always had more dude friends. Then I found my people. The other girls who were like me, bitchy but honest. Thought and acted more like guys, and could drink most of them under the table. These are my surrogate sisters. Wifey, MFEO, Savannah Ruby Soho and Martha make every day bearable. Without them, I wouldn’t be the awesome woman I am today…on my way to burning in cunt hell. They’ll be joining me. Thank god. It’d be so boring alone.


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The bitch is back

12 07 2009

MFEO – I apologize. I had a lot of thinking to do before I could write.

I’ve thought. A LOT. So here I am. Back and bitchier than ever. Sack up, hoes.

It’s official. I am seeing Toast. I have no idea what it means. It both terrifies and delights me. The last few days have been a whirlwind. I went up to see him last Wednesday and so began the decline into insanity.

This is my blog and I’ll talk about whatever I want, with no censorship, so if you don’t like it or are offended. Leave.

We had sex. Why? Because I’m horribly impatient and he had me all hot and bothered. We climbed into the back of his car and made out to Sufjan Stevens for awhile. It was awesome. I felt like I was 16. Then my slut vagina started doing all the talking and next thing I know…we’re in bed. Now look, I’m not the type of girl who talks about what goes on behind closed doors. I will say it was good. I will say that. I will also say I paraphrased that whole last part from High Fidelity.

This is where things get sticky. I have been conditioned by all of the douchebags I’ve gotten wrapped up in to not get emotionally attached, especially when sex is involved. Toast? Bless his precious little heart. He goes heart first into everything. We have had a lot of discussions about our very fundamental differences. Basically he’s a total woman and I am such a dude. Those are our words, not just mine. After the sex, he changed. He got very emotional and I got freaked out.

I don’t like to talk about feelings, I don’t like to ask questions, I just go with it. Here’s where the yelling starts…3…2…

This is why Banky and I worked. While I don’t miss him, because he is a giant dickweed and I KNOW THAT NOW, I miss the simplicity. We talked. We even talked about important things. We never talked about how we felt. It was just understood. I like subtlety. Me talking about my feelings is like having teeth pulled. I HATE it. I say enough to get my point across. That’s it. I rely on instinct and actions to show how I feel. I also can read people fairly well. I don’t need to be told how Toast feels, it is written all over his face. It’s this mix of fear, fascination and adoration. It terrifies me and is so endearing all at the same time.

It may seem odd to say this on a blog on the internet where anyone can read it, but…I’m very private. I am also fiercely independent. Read the rest of this entry »


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She warned him once about her luck

23 06 2009

If one of you, just one of you, knew the Avett Brothers were in town on Sunday night and didn’t tell me…I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. HOW DID I MISS THIS??

To make matters worse, they’re playing a FREE SHOW in Detroit next Thursday. I can’t go. I have pet sitting duties. I kind of want to weep furiously right now. The Avett Brothers are my new Dropkick Murphys. I will NEVER see them until I’m too old for it to be cool. Le sigh.

Seriously friends, if you knew they were here and didn’t tell me/surprise me with a ticket I will skin you and wear you. I’m THAT angry I missed them. They even played up north the night before so my chances of running into Douche McGee and his whore were slim. GAH!

Whatever. Moving on…

Some of these I have talked about, but these are the songs I currently can’t stop listening to. Obsessively. So you should be listening to them too.

Snowglobe – Ms. June

I really can’t stop listening to this song. On repeat. It’s amazing. It’s my new favorite song…along with all the other songs I’m about to list. It sounds like something out of a Wes Anderson film. It’s pretty, catchy and frantic all at once. Thank you $5 Cover for giving me Snowglobe.

Frontier Folk Nebraska – On The Devil’s Time (Black Horse)

I fell in love with this band last week. I have listened to their album over and over and it’s brilliant. This song in particular is amazing. I love the banjo, and the lyrics. At 1:58 magic happens. The whole album is amazing, but this is the song I find myself singing along to the loudest.

Holly Golightly – Anyway You Like It

Oh man. This girl’s voice…the old country/blues mix. I stumbled across this by chance on lala.com while searching for any Pearlene songs I didn’t have. This was on the same comp as a Pearlene song and it’s just solid. It’s like if the chick from Mazzy Star decided to sing the blues while the band played for Patsy Cline. Or something.

Ben Nichols – Dog Day Nights

Ben Nichols. Solo. Do I need to say anything else? No. But I will. This song is featured on a compilation of Arkansas musicians. I stumbled across this by mistake too. It is pure rock and roll. It could have been recorded 50 years ago. It recalls old Elvis, but with that unmistakable Nichols growl. The guitar kills on this song. You will shake your ass. Guaranteed.

Cory Branan – Survivor Blues (acoustic)

This was the first Cory song I ever heard and it is probably still my favorite. The self described “douchey singer songwriter” version gives it a different feel but it doesn’t lose any of it’s edge or power. It’s just prettier. Cory has a knack for singing these songs about terrible things so sweetly you don’t even notice half the time. Listen to the words to Love Song 8 from The Hell You Say. Seriously. Just the opening line.

Armchair Martian – Monsters/Mexican Song/The Statler Pat

All three of these songs have some of the most well written and brutally honest lyrics I have ever heard. Aside from the fact that I am totally in love with Jon Snodgrass’s music in any form, these are three beautifully written songs. Monsters is a soft acoustic ballad that sounds like heartbreak over the bridge. Mexican Song is another slow one (that I have a great version of Jon doing live) that I love just for the words. It’s one of those I should keep to myself, it’s personal. I take all my music personally though. Statler Pat is just fucking great and I really love the version Bad Astronaut did on the split with Armchair. Again, all I have to say is Jon, like Cory and Ben, has a way with words.

Vitamin String Quartet – The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows/The Kids Aren’t Alright

I hate to call these covers…tributes? This band takes songs by just about everyone and anyone and arranges them with just strings. It’s fucking insane. Brand New is unashamedly one of my favorite bands and has been for the last seven years. Deja Entendu was my first Tennessee. The album that could always make it better. Quiet Things is off that album and also where I got the name for my “real” blog. While I prefer the original, the tribute is pretty. What I like better than the original is the tribute to Offspring’s The Kids Aren’t Alright. The string arrangement turns this mediocre pop punk song into something so indescribably beautiful. It gave me goosebumps the first time I heard it. VSQ did a whole Warped Tour album as well as an entire Bad Religion album. They are fucking awesome.

Now that I’ve given you all that unsolicited musical advice, I’m going to bed. Work is kicking my ass this week and I am exhausted. Banky is not helping. I’m going to stab him. Love you all. xx


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Someday this pain will be useful to you

16 06 2009

Boring stuff first…mostly so I don’t forget.

Searches that lead to my blog: winsom3,  i think i got roofied,  if you had a part of me will you take your time,  a softer world there are no sweeter words than this nothing lasts forever,  “i am the cause and i am the cure”

Mostly lyrics and I get a lot of hits from ASW. Winsom3 is a friend of mine’s Twitter name so it’s odd that it lead to my blog. Anyway…

Good stuff. Or bad stuff. However you want to look at it.

  1. A text message I receive this evening. Verbatim. “I just read the twitter tag #iranelection as #analerection.” That is being sent to Texts From Last Night, posthaste.
  2. I had dinner with my sort of estranged uncle last night. It was very good. I have missed him. The man is amazing and inspires me to learn and grow as a person. Plus he’s insufferably cool.
  3. My aunt is in rehab in Dallas, Tx. Very far away from here. I hope she gets the help she needs.
  4. I have an interview for a part-time job on Friday. More money means escaping faster.
  5. I am starting to really hate Banky. He is a smug asshole and I would ignore him but he doesn’t let me. So I just piss him off until he leaves me alone.
  6. I just had something in mind and it’s gone now. I blame Banky. Because I can. Also, I was talking about him and it chased whatever was next out of my brain. Damn.
  7. Cory Branan is this week. I am most likely going alone. I don’t care.
  8. The new Sage Francis mixtape is AMAZING and free! Check out Strange Famous for the download.
  9. I feel like I wanted to talk about Detroit, but I don’t remember what I wanted to say besides the obvious.
  10. $5 Cover ended up being really good.

I guess I should do more than just make a list of shit. OH, and #6 just re-entered my brain. It has nothing to do with Detroit. It was an annoying end to an annoying week. I wake up Friday morning and I have a text from facebook informing me I have a message from Douche McGee’s mother. Fuuuck. This woman is kind of like the Creepy Old Dude Stalker from last summer. This is the same guy I saw at both Lucero shows last month. Thank the baby Jesus that Woodership Down was with me. He protected me. Ok, not that I need protecting or that this guy is an actual threat…he’s just…thick. Long story short, we went out on one date. I turned him down every time he’d ask me out after that, never returned emails, wouldn’t give him my number after he told me he lost it and finally deleted him from myspace. He STILL messaged me after that. Then he followed me to Louisville to see Lucero and stood behind me the whole time. THE POINT IS…he couldn’t. take. a. hint.

After the breakup I went through a string of meaningless flings. Men would get attached to me and I would turn tail and run. Far and fast. I learned over those brief and horrible months that the easiest way to make someone feel like total shit (at the hands of my ex) was simply to ignore them. Ignore all attempts at communication. Delete/block from all social networking sites, do not return calls/emails/texts. Sure every six months or so the truly stupid ones will try again, but for the most part it’s effective if you stick to it.

My ex’s mother is another one that just does. not. get. it. Read the rest of this entry »


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She’s got a hornet’s nest inside her chest and a swarming on her mind.

1 06 2009

So I left off with last weekend. Nothing that epic really happened through the week. I spent the majority of it looking for a copy of Chasing Amy. I’ve really wanted to watch it lately. Partly to deal with whatever is going on in that crazy brain of mine regarding Douche McGee and partly because of…well…Banky. I didn’t pull that name out of a hat you know. Speaking of that, I won two things this week! We’ll get to that though. Anyway…

I went to five different stores. I called BNB because I know he works part time at a CD/Game Exchange place. That was on Tuesday maybe? I still haven’t heard back from him. I get so sick of this shit with him. He all wants to hang out and go do stuff and he’ll call me “just to say hi” and we’ll be about five minutes away from me thinking it’s finally going to happen this time…then he hooks up with some annoying ass hipster girl with a stupid haircut and I cease to exist until they break up. Every. God. Damn. Time. So, to that I say…fuck off. I’m too poor for any tattoos right now anyway and I really liked his friend that did my mitten tattoo at the convention. In other words, suck it, ink man.

Tangent ended. What the fuck was I talking about…oh. Chasing Amy. Banky told me to try Suncoast. I called and they had it. He has to drive by there on his way home. I text him to say thanks, they have it. I get back a smiley face. I respond with “No…this is when you say ‘I’ll pick it up since it’s on my way home.’ Thanks.” He says he can’t today because he’s helping a friend build a deck but he can tomorrow. Now I feel like an asshole. I told him not to and I ended up “borrowing” it from the internet. Well, now that I have downloaded it, I have to watch it, right? BAD IDEA. Read the rest of this entry »


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terrible/perfect

30 04 2009

There’s no easy way to do this. So I’m just going to go into it. This is probably going to be ridiculously long but I don’t really want to break it up. Everything is related. Everything is terrible. Everything is perfect. Read the rest of this entry »


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Everyone says this is it. This isn’t it.

16 04 2009

I am tired, ya’ll. I’m really going to phone it in, which is a shame as I have several HILARIOUS MFEO stories to share with you. I just can’t. I have to be at work at 8:15 for a press check tomorrow. I usually don’t get there until nearly 9:30. I’m not a morning person.

I haven’t been able to sleep at all this week. Not quite sure why. I think it has to do, in part, with my crazy weekend. One late night will throw my entire week off. I’ve also had a lot on my mind. I had to rant and rave at Martha today just to get it all out. We have decided we need to follow the advice we give each other and that we’re crazy.

I’ve been thinking about Douche a lot and honestly, I miss him. No one else will ever be him. That’s a good and bad thing. I miss the person he was and what we had…before he fucked it all up. Most of the time I’m totally fine and I don’t care, but when a lot of things happen like they are right now I get…jealous? I had a plan. I had my entire life with him. It’s gone. I’m alone (still willingly…I think) and I am watching all my friends have kids and it hurts a little. That was supposed to be me. I wanted all of our kids to grow up together. There’s a lesson here. Don’t ever plan shit. Just live each day sun up to sun down and be grateful for the small victories. I didn’t stab anyone today. Success!

In something else that’s irritating me news, Banky and Big Red broke up. I guess she got fed up with his bullshit and walked out on him again. Surprise, surprise. Savannah and I had a bet. I found out on…Tuesday? I asked her how long she thought until I heard from him. I put my money on Friday, she put hers on Thursday. We both lost. He texted me last night whining about how I’m never on facebook chat anymore. Hi, it’s called I’m avoiding you, jerkface. I asked him if there was anything he needed to talk about. “Nope, just bored.” Not my problem.

I’ve had such a roller coaster day. I had a nice lunch in the sunshine and that helped pull me out of my homicidal mood. Somedays I just can’t deal with that place. I did get my review though today. I was terrified. I show up late, leave early, ignore the dress code…I am a model employee. Ha. I got an awesome review. Kudos, me. I will reward myself by going to sleep right now and dreaming about one week from tonight. I will be arm in arm with Woodership Down singing Lucero songs at the top of my lungs. Sweet dreams, indeed.


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