OkCupid is not providing the gold that POF was, but I’m not going to talk about that here anymore unless it’s really good.

My dad called me this morning. He woke me up. I stayed up way too late talking to someone… I can’t help myself. I am getting all mushy. Anyway, Pops called and yelled at me for not being up yet to go to work. It never stops with my parents. “Hi, I’m 27 and I know what time I have to be at work, don’t you have a lumpy prostate or something?” He goes to the doctor next Tuesday. I am apparently the only person nervous about this.

Totoro confronted him about the “sexcapade” from a few weeks ago. My family, ya’ll… My youngest sister shows up at Pops’ on a Friday night, drunk. She opens the door and he yells for her not to come in. She said it reeks of weed, oh yeah, the man is 63 and a total stoner. Still. She waits and hears panicked whisperings. He finally comes to the door, shirt buttoned….pants…yeah. Being 17, she looks him in the face and tells him he makes her want to vomit. All class in this family. She goes to get her phone charger and can hear someone getting dressed in his closet. I CAN’T MAKE THESE PEOPLE UP. I SHARE DNA WITH THEM. Help.

So Totoro teases him about it today and he tries to laugh it off, his pot use isn’t a family secret by any means. Neither is the drinking. We all do that. See above and that explains mine. Eventually he admits he had someone at the house. Ya’ll…my Pops is 63. He has five kids (we know of) and has been divorced three times. How is that attractive on any level? The dude does nothing but run and eat nuts and berries. He is a skinny old bald man with Ted Nugent facial hair. Only in the Mitten, ya’ll…

Today was another long one. I left work at 8:00. Wrong. So wrong. Highlight of my day? Making Banky my bitch. How so? He had a training class at the home office today. He wanted to have lunch. Look, I’m an adult. I made my point loud and clear. We are friends and friends only. I know ya’ll worry. I get it, it’s sweet. Stop. I’m mature enough that I can just be friends with him. I can also get him to do whatever I want. He texts me to ask for a bandaid. “What the hell kind of training class is this?” “Just bring me a bandaid. Please?”

Ask and ye shall receive:

Banky will always be mine and Hello Kitty's bitch.

He thinks he got bit by a spider. EW. I offered to go hold his hand at the urgent care across the street. Stubborn wouldn’t go. He is going to get necrosis and his hand is going to fall off and no Hello Kitty bandaid in the world can fix that. So there.

I told him all about my adventures. He laughed and was actually very supportive of it. He encouraged me to not go out with anyone creepy. I think I bruised his ego a little bit. He gets that look on his face and I feel…what’s that word…bad? So I didn’t have the heart to really tell him about Toast in detail. I just said I met someone really cool.

Here’s the thing about that jackass. He and BNB are the exact same. They want what they can’t have. If they think I am interested, they want nothing to do with me. If there is someone else or I act all nonchalant, they beat my fucking door down. I hate the games and the bullshit.

Toast does none of that. The honesty is refreshing. Even when it’s things I’m afraid to say, I say them. I wonder if I feel safe because I am still convinced I made him up in my head? I guess we’ll find out Monday…

I thought I’d lost the dude with kids…he needs a nickname but I just don’t know…I like him the way I like pineapple on my pizza. It’s different and a nice change but I only need it once in a very great while. I didn’t hear from him at all today. I thought I had pissed him off finally. Nope. Didn’t charge his phone. I promised I’d see him again. Guilt, I hate you. He’s not going to like it when I tell him I like him too much and it’s scaring me and I’m not ready yet. Lie? No. Well, yes. Not him and I think I finally am ready. Ish. I think. Hold me.